Veronica Mars
Lord Of The Bling

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 5 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Seriously, "Weevil" Who?
Big ups to Demian for covering the recaplet for me this week. It's too bad he hates the show so much. Hee.

Closeup of a ring with a large, gaudy design on some dude's pinky. He's yelling into a headset about someone having to commit at least ten million for something or other, and hangs up. He's played by Anthony Anderson, whom I last saw putting nasty surprises in the secret sauce at some burger joint in Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle. It doesn't sound like his people skills have improved much, but refraining from serving people food laced with certain bodily secretions is a start. There's less projectile vomiting, anyway. A pretty woman appears and hands Double A some papers, which she explains are a waiver to let their son drop PE, since he's going to be doing independent study in physics. Double A signs the form, but snarks that the son could use getting hit with a dodgeball or two to "toughen his ass up." Having seen the episode already, I hope it's not too cruel to opine that it's going to take a little more than that. Of course, to be fair, it's not like you could bounce a quarter off Double A's ass, either. Even the dodgeball would have trouble rebounding. Double A next complains that their "club bill" is high, and his wife patiently explains that "Yolanda," their daughter, has been taking riding lessons. Double A bitches about how when he was a kid, he had to pop a cap in people's asses five miles in the snow, uphill both ways. Or something. The mother says that Yolanda is at "Gabrielle's," and she's supposed to call if she stays over. Double A: "How did a man like me end up with National Black Velvet and Urkel?" You know, even the most offhand of comments can do limitless damage to a child's psyche. That being said: Hee! Urkel is comedy gold, in the "I'm laughing AT you" way. Speaking of whom, Urkel appears, and Double A greets him. Urkel tells him haltingly: "It's Yolanda. Something's happened." Well, that's informative, Brainiac.

Cut to a shot of a tabloid headline about Lynn's disappearance. At Mars Investigations, Wallace, sporting some better twist-y hair, asks Veronica if Lynn really left a suicide note on her Blackberry. Hey, why stop there -- she could have emailed it mid-jump. "Logan, I'll always love you. Haaron, see you in HEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!" Veronica exposits that Logan hasn't been in school since it happened, and then Keith walks in. Well, I should really say he "walks" in, because whether it was yoga or pilates or heavy lifting Keith battled with lately, I think it's fair to say he lost. Veronica asks him how his back is holding up, reminds him to take his painkillers, and adds, "Next time, remember: Lift drunk, combative bail-jumpers with your legs, not your back." Keith looks at her like he'd be happy to lift a leg, the better with which to boot Veronica right in her nagging ass. He goes into his office, and Veronica banters with Wallace about his new hair until a suit-sporting Double A walks in and asks for Keith. Veronica sends him on in to Keith's office and goes back to writing something in a spiral notebook. She must be off her detective game, or she might have noticed Wallace picking his chin up off the floor. After a bit too much blather about urban street cred and holding people out of windows to get them to sign contracts, Wallace informs her that Double A is "the gangsta rap impresario beside whom all gangsta rap impresarios measure themselves." I wonder exactly what kind of measuring all these impresarios do side by side, and the fact that Double A's name is apparently "Bone Hamilton" isn't doing much to slow my speculation down. Inside Keith's office, Double A tells Keith his daughter's missing. He hands Keith a picture and asks him to find her. Outside, Veronica reveals that she knew Yolanda. "We used to be friends. A long time ago." Well, if you're in the business of shout-outs, Veronica, I notice you're sitting on a couch. I know you know what I'm talking about. Would it really be asking so much? Credits.

Keith asks Double A if Yolanda's disappearance could just be "teenage misbehavior." We see Yolanda's photo, and she's very pretty. Double A says that Yolanda knows the rules, and her friend Gabrielle said they were studying together until midnight. Then Urkel found her car up the street with the doors open and signs of a struggle, so everything points to a kidnapping. Keith opines that the police might be better able to help him, but Double A says he doesn't like the police. No need for introductions with Officer Fuckface, then. Double A goes on that the feeling is mutual, and from what he hears, Keith should sympathize. Well, to be fair, the police probably shouldn't be big fans of anyone who holds people out of windows to get them to do his bidding. And I don't think Keith has done that, although there certainly may have been a scene with Icetwin that unfolded off-camera. Anyway, Keith thinks for a moment, and then asks if Double A has any idea who might want to do this. Double A smirks and produces a list that…well, let's just say that if he subscribes to the idea that you should "keep your friends close and your enemies closer," it's a damn good thing he lives in a mansion. Keith smiles as he notes, "That's a lot of ideas," but the smile fades as Double A adds that that list is just for Southern California, and if Keith hears anything about New York, Detroit, or Atlanta, he's got more lists. For his part, Keith looks like he's wondering how much hazard pay he can get away with charging before he's the John Cleese character in A Fish Called Wanda. On his way out, Double A suggests Keith start at the top, with "Sam Bloom."

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Veronica Mars

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