Veronica Mars
Lord Of The Pi's

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 3 USERS: A
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Art Imitating Life

Veronica -- presumably with an assist from Keith -- hops the gate to the Rose estate, and then mangles a Vacation reference before letting Keith in. I mean, I ask you: If Chevy Chase had punched a walrus instead of a moose, would that have been funny? (Okay, I'll concede a maybe.) At the guest house or whatever, the dogs are indeed barking, which doesn't deter Keith and Veronica from breaking in and finding Selma on the couch watching TV. Keith asks if she's all right, and she flips off the TV and sighs, "I'd be better if you'd close the door and didn't [sic] try to rescue me." If we're going to go this meta, shouldn't Selma be wearing a beret?

Keith introduces himself and explains that Dean Ed hired him. Selma recognizes Veronica from the reception, and Veronica says that she's the Tatum to Keith's Ryan: "When he gets in a jam, I make with the cute." I don't think that, nowadays, there's enough of said cute to cover said trouble. What's more, there's certainly fault on both sides of that equation. Selma says that she will be in trouble if Keith tells anyone he saw her, and offers him hush money. She explains that Mr. Rose knows about her "lover," so he's demanded that she disappear until after their tenth anniversary, at which time, ostensibly, he'd be prepared to grant her a divorce. She says that the anniversary is only two days away, so surely Keith can stall Dean Ed that long. Veronica asks the salient question of why Mr. Rose needed Selma to disappear: she could simply have waited to sign the divorce papers until after the relevant date had passed. Selma doesn't know, and you'd think she might have inquired, but I guess CEOs of Fortune 500 companies aren't in the business of asking the tough questions. Keith suggests that maybe it has to do with her brother's negotiating with Southeast Asia, since in a few days, her company will be locked into those contracts. Yes, because there's nothing easier than getting a transatlantic deal between teams of lawyers and negotiators inked overnight. But it's understandable to think that contract negotiations are easy as pie if all you've ever known is the entertainment industry. Anyway, the rather bullshit point is that once those contracts are locked in, Selma's company will be worth a lot more money, thereby increasing the worth of the community property within the marriage, which will in turn mean more money for Mr. Rose in the divorce. Selma says that her marriage was great until Mr. Rose's accident, after which it seemed like he had something to prove -- a goal he attempted to achieve by screwing as many women as possible. Keith suggests that perhaps Selma could have hired a lawyer to get her out of her predicament a little more cheaply. Selma: "Have you ever been a walking punchline, Mr. Mars? I mean, on a national scale." Keith is all, "Actually..." and I'll certainly give them that one. Hee. Anyway, Selma says she's tried to win back the public's respect, but says, as she produces some pictures, that "this" would put her back at square one. The pictures are very similar in style to the ones of Keith and Harmony, but the players in this photo are Selma and Hallie. Selma fills in the blanks that Hallie seduced Selma on behalf of Mr. Rose, and that Hallie and Mr. Rose are planning to run off together and live off Selma's money. I...don't completely get this, I'll admit. I guess the combination of the infidelity, the same-sex hookup, and the age disparity is the potential source of embarrassment. But given that Selma's going to be plenty publicly humiliated anyway when her husband runs off with a college student, I don't know why she wouldn't try to save her fortune, if only out of spite. I mean, most people in her situation would jump at the chance to spite the cheating husband even without the knowledge that doing so would make them millions and millions of dollars richer. Keith suggests that maybe they can foil the plan, and asks whether Selma was wearing the earrings she has on the night she disappeared. Upon hearing an affirmative, Keith asks if she has access to Mr. Rose's email.

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Veronica Mars

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