Veronica Mars
Meet John Smith

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Double Your Mothers, Double Your Fun

Chez Mars. Keith tells Veronica that her guidance counselor called and wants to see him. "Have you been playing nice with the other children?" Veronica says she's old-school. "An eye for an eye." Keith says that's actually Old Testament. It's actually Hammurabi's Code, but I'm not going to argue with a fictional character. Not one that's not completely part of my imagination, anyway. Veronica says she doesn't know why the counselor wants to see Keith, and then asks him why her mom was with Jake Kane two weeks ago. She tells him that Lianne's only in Arizona, but he agonizedly asks her to drop it. After a beat, she forces a smile, and asks, "How about those Padres?" See what they did there? Because padre means father? Well, I thought it was clever. Sheesh.

Chez Kane. The family is eating at a long table in front of a long window. There are two empty chairs on the near side of the table, which is interesting. Lilly and…whom? Jake and Celeste -- who's sporting a sassy new bob that makes her look so different that many viewers, including me, thought at first glance that the role had been recast -- are arguing over Duncan as if he's not there. Duncan picks at his food as his parents' voices are amplified. Jake thinks Duncan needs more ambition so he can get into a good college. Because the last thing good colleges are interested is kids whose parents whose net worth could make Donald Trump shrivel in inadequacy. (Yes, I am trying to make you vomit. Did it work?)

Veronica kisses her dad goodbye and says she's going to the library.

Duncan tells his parents that he's going to "Shelley"'s. His dad grins inappropriately. Ew.

Blue light. Duncan and Veronica are making out hot and heavy in a car. But…she's got short hair! And they're wearing the clothes from the previous scene! WHAT'S GOING ON? An alarm clock, that's what, as Veronica wakes up panting. Well, they got me. Don't worry, it won't be the last time. Credits.

Video store. A middle-aged woman returns a video to Young Kid, saying that his recommendation was excellent as always. He tells her that Kevin Spacey is always great, which is a pretty amazing thing to say, considering that he's had an more precipitous drop in the average quality of his recent films than even John Travolta. Young Kid goes on that the woman should also check out Body Heat. I don't know what film in the Spacey oeuvre makes that a logical transition, but if it's one with a lot of sweaty Spacey nakedness, remind me to put it on my to-see list after the worst movie I can think of that I haven't seen. Which, by coincidence, has to be Pay It Forward. The customer leaves with a fond smile, and Veronica appears, babbling about Slap Shot for some reason to someone offscreen, presumably her dad. Young Kid stammeringly asks her about her PI credentials, and then asks her for help on a private matter. She tells him to find her at school the next day. Keith appears and says he got The Cowboys "as a backup." As Young Kid rings him up, Veronica surreptitiously mouths that Keith has rented it five times already. Oh, please. Ask me how many times I've seen This Is Spinal Tap, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure…you know, this is making me reevaluate my priorities. I could probably find more productive uses for my time than sitting around watching TV all the time. On the other hand, this laptop is feeling really heavy. Eh, on we go.

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Veronica Mars

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