Veronica Mars
My Big Fat Greek Rush Week

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Saving Karen...Not So Much

Sometime soon after, Veronica's getting Squeaky Stereo as Keri and another blonde sandwich Veronica on the couch (not like that, it's BORING) and babble about how great the sorority is and their tanning bed and free cortisone shots and OH MY GOD SHUT UP. Speaking of, the singers are now torturing us with a Theta Beta version of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," which I'm sure Veronica would agree is unintentionally appropriate. A redhead with a deep voice fortunately interrupts to offer more lemonade, and Veronica asks if this batch might have a little kick to it. I think she's forgotten all about the assignment at this point. The redhead says no, since it's against university policy and also illegal, but adds, "The farther you are from the singing, the less you'll crave intoxication." Hee. The redhaad beckons Veronica to follow her and, when she does, confides, "Last week they tried to change the lyrics to 'Macarena.' I almost impaled myself on the banister." She's getting some ideas from Heroes, I'd say. Seems like kind of a hardcore show to watch in the sorority house, but I could definitely see this girl enjoying having the TV room to herself. The redhead introduces herself as "Marjorie," and, in answer to Veronica's question about the deal with the purses, says that Veronica will find out soon enough. A thirty-ish woman appears with a plate of cookies and a declaration that all her girls are wonderful. When she's gone, Marjorie tells Veronica that "Karen" is their den mother: "She gets paid to say that." Not a whole lot, if her IMDb credits are any indication. Marjorie says that the sisters are lame, but that they're like family. Like Parker's family, then.

Dr. Kinney is leading the group into the "prison," a dorm wing in the process of being renovated, and tells them that they'll be monitored by surveillance cameras and nearby TAs. He splits the group up according to the last digit of their Social Security numbers. Evens, which include Wallace and Rider Strong, are the guards. The rest are prisoners. Kinney goes over the rules: sleep deprivation is okay, but any other physical abuse isn't. Prisoners are required to get "a certain number of calories" each day (way to vague that up, there), and to ensure that the food is edible, one guard will have to eat a sample meal before the prisoners touch their food. I wish they'd had that rule in place in my freshman cafeteria. We cut ahead in time as Kinney tells them prisoners are not allowed to use cell phones, watches, or computers. As Wallace collects Logan's watch, Logan tells Wallace that he'll never crack, prompting Wallace to propose a side bet. Logan suggests that the loser streak across campus, and Wallace says that he'll enjoy seeing Logan do it. Well, you're not the typical demographic, Wallace, but you can still just get in line with everyone else. Kinney leads the prisoners away and shows them a piece of paper that reads, "The bomb is located in the mail drop at the corner of 116th Street and Jamison Boulevard." Before I go any further, I should note that Kinney is being played by Dan Castellaneta, and I won't insult your intelligence by telling you what he's most famous for. Although I am surprised that they resisted the urge to replace "bomb" with "donuts" in a last-minute revision of the script. Anyway, if any prisoner wants to go home at any time, he can reveal the information about the bomb to the guards. Logan: "Or click your heels three times." So we've got Logan associated with bondage, submission, streaking, and Judy Garland within the first fifteen minutes. Does anyone see where I'm going with this? Kinney charges the guards with getting the location of the bomb before it goes off and kills innocent people, which will happen forty-eight hours thence. He leaves...

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Veronica Mars

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