Veronica Mars
My Mother, The Fiend

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 5 USERS: A
Meeeeooooow! (Ffffft!)

Mars Investigations. Keith enters and tells Veronica (who looks like she's studying, finally) that there's no record of a baby born in Balboa County in 1980 under either of Celeste's surnames. Veronica thinks that means Celeste was lying, but Keith points out that she could have had an abortion. I think Celeste would have been about as likely to abort Jake Kane's baby as I would be to rip up a winning lottery ticket. It's just not all that likely to happen, especially since I never play the lottery. Keith points out that Veronica and Duncan have a good thing going. I'll just pause for a moment to allow all the attendant throat-clearing from the forums to subside. His point is that maybe Veronica doesn't want to jeopardize that by dredging up old wrongs, but Veronica says she just wants a little proof that Lianne was a good person and not one of the girls that makes high school a miserable experience. Keith, not backing down, notes that it's a convenient bonus that Veronica gets to expose Celeste for being such a witch. I like your message here, Keith, but I have to opine that that cat has long left the bag behind. He tells Veronica that if Celeste hadn't done what she did, Veronica wouldn't have Keith, and she wouldn't be her. Veronica, warming to the subject: "And that would be bad, right?" Keith agrees, and says she should keep that in mind with the news he's about to tell her: a Jane Doe baby was delivered to the Balboa County hospital on May 8, 1980, and they found the baby in the Neptune High school bathroom during the prom. Veronica thinks that spells Celeste. Keith: "You don't actually listen when I talk, do you?" You're just noticing this now? Also, is Veronica's theory that Celeste, about to give birth but not showing enough for people to realize she was pregnant, went to the prom, dropped the baby without people knowing about it, and abandoned it in the bathroom? Because much like women going into labor on TV, that doesn't really hold water.

Duncan, dressed in a nice shirt and pants, answers the door to find Veronica trying to pawn off their "baby" on him, saying that she needs to get some sleep for a test she has the next day. He says he would, but that he has plans. The "baby" starts crying, and Veronica exasperatedly realizes that she left the bottle in the car, so Duncan takes it and feeds it, but tells Veronica that she's got to go after he's done, since he's going out to dinner. I don't know why Duncan doesn't just tell Veronica what the problem is, and furthermore, I don't know why I can't get a nickel every time I start a sentence with the five words "I don't know why Duncan." Duncan says he's surprised that Celeste never got one of these babies for Lilly, since she was always terrified that Lilly would get pregnant. This line is kind of a ham-handed way for Veronica to scoff at the irony. It's good that she hasn't gotten to the reveal at the end of the episode, because there's a deeper level of irony there, and she might have choked to death on it. Duncan, unbelievably, laughingly asks if Veronica's about to badmouth Celeste, and maybe all this casual talk about his mom wouldn't feel so false if HE WASN'T TRYING TO GET VERONICA OUT OF THERE BEFORE HIS MOM SHOWS UP. Veronica sarcasmos that Celeste is "a warm-hearted, good-humored, lovely woman of high breeding and impeccable social grace." Of course, this is Celeste's cue to walk through the open door and sarcastically thank Veronica. And after commercial, we'll return for Bitchfight In The Neptune Grand: This Is How It's Really Done.

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Veronica Mars




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