Veronica Mars
Nevermind The Buttocks

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
When A Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie...
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Many thanks to Joe R for skillfully covering the recaplet of this week's episode when coverage in my market was preempted. I hope the Nets flame out of the playoffs, because if I have to watch any of the remaining three episodes on a day's delay, I'm gonna be hella pissed. On the other hand, my dad would be interested to know that for the first time since I was a kid, I've got a rooting interest in basketball. Of course, he'd say it's the wrong team and the wrong interest, but if we saw eye to eye about things like that, we'd probably still be talking.

What?

Oh, right, the recap. Cliff pours Veronica a glass of water as an oily voice inquires as to whether she'd like him to repeat his question. She says yes, so he asks whether she actually saw Lilly and Haaron having "intercourse" on the sex tape. Veronica tells him that a sheet was covering them, but that "the motion of their bodies" suggested copulation. There's also the fact that since Haaron's well known to have fucked half of Balboa County's women, it's pretty unlikely that he still engages in much dry humping. Although I suppose his prison stay could have changed his view on that. The examiner, "Mr. Lavois" or some such, inappropriately asks whether Veronica has much experience in that department and, when Cliff cuts in, says that he merely needs to determine whether Veronica knows what sex looks like. It's too bad Veronica's sitting behind a table, because this would be a perfect opportunity for her to smile knowingly and give him a Basic Instinct-esque twirl of her leg. It's noir, baby, and the name for the genre has never seemed more apt than when it's associated with Sharon Stone's nether regions. Anyway, Cliff says that Veronica has completed the required sex-ed class at Neptune High, and Veronica says that she got an A-minus. Considering how she treated her "baby," I wonder how she managed that. I'd suspect grade inflation, if we didn't know that Ms. Hauser hasn't really had a lot of luck with inflation lately. Veronica adds that she watches Animal Planet. The devil's henchman here breathes that statutory rape is a grave accusation. Veronica: "Not to a murderer." I hate to nitpick this late in the season, but this thing with the tapes always bugged me, so here's a question: just because the murder trial is taking this long is no reason to have delayed the statutory-rape trial, is it? I mean, is this hearing concomitant to the murder trial? Because if not, it should have been wrapped up ages ago, which means this is another teetering piece on top of an already wobbly storyline. Mr. Lavois concludes by asking whether Veronica's still keeping in touch with Duncan. Veronica looks scared and confused at the mention of his name. She is not alone.

Chez Mars. Veronica's popping something in the microwave, when Keith arrives home and is all, "Prepare to have your mind blown." Considering how close it is to the end of the season, that's good advice for all of us. Veronica cutely says that she was born ready, so Keith tells Veronica that Big Dick was using the life-insurance policy he took out on his sons as a tax shelter. Boy, Keith, if you want to blow people's minds, I'd stay away from any sentence with "tax" in it that doesn't also include the word "refund." Anyway, the point is that the payout on the policy is over eight figures, and that if the brothers die simultaneously, Kendall would receive the money. I get why both of them would have to die, because it seems logical to think that if only one of them died, the other brother would be the beneficiary. However, the thought of Dick's life being worth anything to anyone other than lube manufacturers and porn distributors is an idea that's really blowing my mind here. Well played, Keith. Veronica sighs that the "wicked stepmother" trying to off her husband's kids sounds like a Disney movie, and she'll get no argument from me on that point. Keith says that while Kendall certainly had motive, he's not sure about her capability, but Veronica demurs: "She went from Spandex to cashmere pretty fast." Veronica's got a point, especially if Kendall hit both those sartorial choices without ending up on Go Fug Yourself. Keith says that he'll poke around and find out what Kendall was up to the day of the crash.

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Veronica Mars

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