Veronica Mars
Nevermind The Buttocks

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 3 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
When A Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie...

Neptune High. The teacher calls roll, as VMVO tells us that random locker searches are a bummer for the students caught with loot, and over Veronica's shoulder, we see one such search in progress. When the teacher gets to Weevil, he tells him it's his turn to feed "Buddy."

Cut to Weevil picking up a large rat by the tail. I'd wonder whether that could hurt the thing, but that's not really going to seem relevant for very long. Weevil carries the rat past the length of a glass tank containing a large constrictor, and after a good "Mmm, dinner!" shot of the snake, Weevil drops the rat in. After a couple of off-camera squeals, Weevil appreciatively says that someone was hungry, and I'd wonder whether the snake could have suffocated the rat quite that quickly, but I'll let it go in appreciation of the fact that at least I didn't have to see it. Veronica, without looking up, snarks that "someone is baby-talking a python," Weevil tough-guys that he and Buddy have a "special connection," since they're both "top of the food chain," and Weevil has "no problem sacrificing a rat." Veronica looks shocked that she's spent the year participating in growing Buddy to twelve feet just so he could be used as a clumsy parallel. I mean, the rat died from constriction, and Thumper died from construction. And if "My Mother, The Fiend" taught us anything, it's that one letter can make all the difference.

Veronica walks away from her locker and notices that a heavyset kid is staring questioningly at her. She moves on to Mac, but in a nice bit of blocking, as she reaches her, you can still see the guy staring at her. Knowing what I know about his targeting skills, let me just get him out of frame before I pause. Anyway, "Mac Attack," as Veronica cutely calls her, is literally beating her head against her locker, and when Veronica asks what's wrong, she says that her locker was searched, and Clemmons took her cell-phone interceptor and won't give it back until the end of the year. At which time I expect he'll be buying one of his own, because I'd imagine that once you get hooked on the seedy drama that happens all around Neptune, it's impossible to get off it. Not that I'd...I mean, "he'd" want to. Mac begs Veronica to get the interceptor back: she borrowed it from a friend at Radio Shack to listen to Beaver's cell-phone calls. Mac manages to throw in that she's acting like a "psycho ex-girlfriend," and while that's true, I'll give her points for admitting it. (Of course, that's probably only because it's Mac, but don't tell anyone.) At the ensuing silence, Mac concludes that Veronica's judging her. Veronica: "Nope! I'm judging myself. Why don't I have a cell-phone interceptor?" Hee. Mac cautions her to respect the business model -- "I do the gadgets, you do the actual espionage." I think there's room for some crossover there, not that I want to argue with someone who's probably paid for college with her skills already. (Note to Veronica: what a concept!) Veronica agrees to see what she can do.

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Veronica Mars

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