Behind the door, there's fucking "Pon De Replay" by Rihanna playing, which qualifies as "something bad happening," far as I'm concerned. There are also, like, eight hot chicks in their underwear doing weird shimmies and giggling and looking at Veronica in a strange way that suggests that they are the brides of Dracula. Even weirder, the camera gets product placement-based confusion and we have to watch a few seconds of the video for that song. The upshot of this scene is, you now get to read Salon.com all day for free. Veronica has a bijou panic attack, because she hates people, but mostly because this girl stuff is beyond her ken, and most of all because somehow her life just became some kind of adolescent Xander leg-cramp Porky's fantasy.
Kendall rolls off Logan and tells him how perfect their lovin' was, and then goes completely porn-creepy like she, too, is at Gia's. You know how you think phone sex is like? It sounds like that: "Baby, oh, it feels so good to be with you! I just wanna be with you all the time!" Logan advises her to "pick the richest guy in the hotel suite" if she's looking for a sugar daddy. Ouch! Kendall actually has the gall to look shocked. "I'm sorry, did that hurt your feeling?" I love Logan. Kendall, though, is horrified: "Doesn't this mean anything to you?" It does, he protests: "It means I'm getting laid, and I owe your village a goat." This cracks even Logan up, and he proceeds to put his drawers back on under the covers. Kendall lies that it's clearly grown into something more over the past few months, and Logan points out that her romantic notions have an indirect relation to her bank account: "It's like science!" He explains to her the obvious point that his friendship with Dick, while it speaks poorly of him, does make him privy to the Casablancas facts as they happen. Changing tack, Kendall points out that Logan's got a pretty good setup going, sex-wise, and asks if he would prefer going back to grab-assing with "cheerleaders who've just mastered missionary." She threatens and threatens to withhold, and Logan laughs it off. "Bessie, when the milk stops being free? I stop drinking it." Kendall wonders, for the second time, what she's "supposed to do." Whenever you have to ask somebody else that, you've already given up way too much ground. "Frankly, my dear...you know the rest." I'm no fan of the "...and you know the rest" approach to exit lines, but it's Logan: he sells it. Kendall sighs and leaves, and...runs directly to Duncan's room.