Veronica Mars
Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The 09 Is Even Worse Than You Thought

At the door is Kendall Casablancas, to whom Logan non-sequiturs, "You're not my grilled cheese!" Kendall's usually pretty funny, but her rejoinder is weak: "No." An unequal relationship will never last. Well, maybe that's all the lines she could remember for this scene. I hope she doesn't end up pregnant or in a coma! She's awesome! Kendall walks into the suite, and Logan does a cute little cartoon-sigh and sniffs the air she's just walked past. Somehow, he does this without seeming like a total pervert. Which is funny, because he can't even order lunch without making me feel funny, but this rather creepy business comes off charming instead. It's a mixed-up Echolls kind of world, this Veronica Mars show. Kendall recognizes Veronica as the "iPod girl...with the waxy-eared boyfriend" and this gives Kristen Bell the chance to do that sink-in-chair, cover-face kind of embarrassed maneuver that she's so good at. Normally, in the real world, this face and groan would mean, "Oh, crap, it's that girl I stole the parking spot from outside Trader Vic's. My bad, girl!" This is Neptune, though, so it's actually more like, "Oh crap, it's that one girl I performed industrial espionage on in order to destroy her marriage, her family, and her life! My bad, girl!" Kendall, oblivious, takes off into the cavernous-yet-hip other parts of the suite, and Logan turns on his heel like a Navy SEAL. "My codeword will be...'endurance.'" He says this to Veronica, basically, which makes this the first time he's addressed her, by the way, which is hella tight. He then gives a little spirit-fingers wave and heads back to endure him some Kendall. Duncan is...jealous? Annoyed? Happy to see Logan gone? Insecure?

Answer: D. He turns to Veronica: "Should I be doing something?" Squick on the gerbil wheel we can all now see spinning in your head, but A+ for the sentiment. Veronica breaks it down for old Type IV: "We were making out on the couch, but then that happened: Dick and Beav's stepmom just came over to have a go-round with your bunkmate. How does that not bother you?" Instead of the proper response -- which would be, "I dunno, get out of your own pants" -- Duncan cutes, "Because I'm a guy?...What. If he was in there with Dick and Beaver's real mom, I'd be bothered..." Me too. Man. I don't remember if we've seen her before, but we do in this episode, and...man. "...But it's Kendall. She's like, our age," Duncan concludes. "She's twenty-five," breathes Veronica, and I do a little Mars Investigating of my own, only to discover that Charisma Carpenter is way hotter than she has any right to be, Aaron and Shawn Ashmore are (still) of age, and these actors we're looking at are not exactly as old as I thought. Which also means that Kristen Bell kicks ass. Which we knew. "Yeah," say Duncan, "but not really: she's hot. Like that's news." Advantage Kane. "Ass-slaps and high fives to Logan!" snits Veronica. "Maybe she'll buy us beer." Duncan takes the low-key approach to heading this crap off, all, "I'd ask her, but I think she'll be in there for awhile." Veronica is...annoyed? Jealous? Angry? as she turns the TV back on. My Dear Veronica Mars, you are being -- for lack of a better term -- abusive. You're not allowed to be weird about Logan. Specifically about his sex life. Specifically in a way where you have a problem with it. You're not allowed to talk to Duncan about this, or act all pissy, or acknowledge it in any way. Kind, courteous, responsive, and normal are the watchwords. Of course, if I were dating Duncan Kane, I'd be three times meaner to him than Veronica ever is, so who am I, but still. Have some grace, considering you're all sharing space in the Neptune Grand together for the foreseeable future.

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Veronica Mars

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