Veronica goes in for jury duty (Happy Birthday, Citizen!) and gets tied up in a case about a possible prostitute, her possible pimp, and the two 09er boys who beat her up in a hotel room. As foreman, Veronica must shepherd a gang of stereotypes of a caliber not seen since the very thrilling movie Speed, while avoiding constant contamination from the entire town, from the Weevil gang to her own "helpful" father. Intensely data-rich exposition is the watchword as we learn that...there are tensions in Neptune between the rich and poor, and between the 09ers and minorities. In case you missed the memo. Veronica also manages to piss off pretty much everybody in town when the girl's attackers are not acquitted, becoming once more brutally unpopular, and even she says something like, "Season 1 much?" Maybe she'll cut her hair off again. Meanwhile, Meg's wakeful and pregnant ass informs Duncan that the baby is his, and then goes ahead and makes it Veronica's responsibility as well, if anything should happen to her. Although it's mentioned that Meg's parents are not the best at raising small children, nobody mentions how that crappy parenting extends to locking children in secret closet rooms. It's a matter of dÃ©tente, which is important at the end of the episode. Over in the A-Plot, Keith hears that the Aaron Echolls/Lilly Kane sex tapes have gone missing, and has to traverse not only the naked pornographic Health And Fitness antics of a seriously excitable Sheriff Lamb, but also his daughter's romantic Rogue's Gallery. Good news: we get to see Leo! Bad news: Keith gets him fired, when it's discovered that he was the one who stole the tapes, to get a small amount of money for his sister to go to private school. That part I was not so happy about, because I love Leo, but it was funny to see Keith going, "Every single thing that's happened this season had to do with sabotaging Aaron's prosecution, so can you really blame me for assuming?" But who did good old Leo sell them to? No, not the internet: that would have meant actually making some money. It was Logan, of course, who heartrendingly watches the videos, tears running down his face, and then degausses the tapes just in time for Keith to show up and get really intense about it. To review? Logan watched tapes of his father screwing his girlfriend preceding his murder of her. And Logan looked fantastic doing this. I'd say this would screw him up, but there's a whole glass-ceiling effect there. Then Meg, who is mad beautiful, and wonderfully acted in this episode, and I'd never really noticed her before, but now I will really miss her...dies. I'm not sold that this is simply a random occurrence, but more importantly, her daughter is now likely to be shipped off to Miss Thwartingham's School For Cult Indoctrination And Laughter Quashing, or else join the cast of The People Under The Stairs, so Veronica's going to have to go to bat for her boyfriend's illegitimate child, which: drag. Sometimes being a superhero is a real drag. Then WALLACE COMES HOME! Not at all a drag!
Neptune High. A knit-cap-wearing Veronica sits at an outdoor table and picks at a Christmas cake as VMVO tells us that her holiday spirit has yet to kindle. Duncan shows up and joins her, and they're not doing his reputation any favors by having him appear off the word "kindle." Duncan's cheery, because why wouldn't he be, until Veronica tells him that she saw Meg. Duncan's all, "What? Who? Where?," and I'd think he was just buying time to get his thoughts in order, but given that he was happily toting around a baby in the last episode, it's possible that he's really forgotten. You have to admit that both theories have something to recommend them. Veronica tells Duncan that Meg's pregnant, and Duncan, after a moment, says he knows. Veronica parrots that back to him, sounding somewhat but maybe not completely surprised, and Duncan tells her about the letter, which he says was from Meg's aunt in Seattle; Meg had asked to live up there and raise the baby. So Duncan supposedly only found out about the pregnancy via the letter? Then why did he react so badly when Veronica asked him about the frequent hospital visits, and what made him go looking for the letter in the first place? Yeah, I'll keep questioning Duncan's actions and motivations until he becomes consistent or I end up in an institution. I'm still hoping for the former, but if it's the latter, I hope at least they don't serve donuts for breakfast. Veronica's horrified, more that Duncan didn't tell her than anything else, and Duncan lamely offers that it has nothing to do with "us," by which I take to mean "their relationship." Veronica: "Oh, no! Nothing. Your secret illegitimate child gestating in the womb of your comatose ex-girlfriend affects neither you nor me." Good line, Veronica. Unfortunately, not being a comic geek, you didn't know that, much like the relationship between x-ray vision and lead, sarcasm is completely blocked by wood.
Before Duncan can fail to react, Dick appears, puts an arm around each of them, and invites them to the "New Year's bash of the century," which incidentally is only a week away. Veronica asks if Truman Capote knows about it, and Dick doesn't know who that is. I guess Dick isn't into art-house films, then. Now, that, at least, is an example of a consistent character. Duncan begs Sun Valley with the 'rents, but Dick says that's no comparison to "party boat" and "crazy Chinese pyro-guy." I...sort of agree, if only because it's fresh in my mind what a bad time Celeste is. Hanging out with someone with her personality in a ski setting is kind of overkill on the climate, you know? Dick gets up to go, but turns back to Duncan: "If you're not coming because of...tension [indicating Veronica, which HA] here, there's a chance an old flame might be there." Duncan doesn't know what he means, so Dick tells them Meg woke up, and will probably be partying in no time. I assume he doesn't know Meg's pregnant, although given his level of development, it's possible his parents believed in giving kids a high tolerance as early as possible. When Dick's gone, Duncan mutters that he should go see Meg, but Veronica pulls out the visitor's pass she had from the last episode, and says she'll make a copy and laminate it and they can go together. I'd wonder if her pass wasn't date-stamped, but as far as contrivances go, that's pretty minor. You'll see what I mean as this recap goes on. Duncan takes Veronica's hand, and suddenly everything's hunky-dory between them. Well, if Veronica keeps putting up with shit like this from Duncan, at least we'll get the question of what's at the bottom of a slippery slope answered.