Veronica Mars
One Angry Veronica

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 4 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Who Mourns For Saint Blonde?

Close-up on Lamb, who appears to be pumping iron as he tells Keith, who's off-screen, that he's made a lot of security improvements since Keith left. Yup, Donnie, you're doing a hell of a job. Lamb tells Keith that, instead of metal keys, the department now only uses magnetic keycards that they reprogram every couple of days. He asks Keith for a spot, and a wider shot reveals that Lamb is indeed benching -- and, what's more, is doing so in a black tank top. I guess the old saw "Post and ye shall receive" has some truth to it after all. Lamb checks his look in the mirror as he remarks that Keith should have pushed fitness more when he was sheriff. I don't see that it's a big problem, but I haven't seen Deputy Leo in a tank top yet. And after the events of this episode, probably never will (very sadly, SPOILER!). Keith deadpans that he was too busy with the crime fighting, which Lamb totally ignores in favor of grabbing a couple of dumbbells and going on to say that they have "Level One clearance" only for senior staff. I hope the senior staff doesn't forget the codes for when aliens invade the station and they have to self-destruct. Lamb says that there's no nighttime access to the evidence room without written permission from him. He then takes off his tank to reveal his sweaty upper body, and...oh, crap. I meant to tell you to go grab a paper bag before I got to that part. Lamb then plays with his drawstring like his pants are going to be the next to go. You did get the paper bag, right? Keith asks if Lamb is telling him that "the Neptune sheriff's department is a locked down, squared-away citadel of security?" Lamb opines that that description is a little flowery, and coming from a guy who's working out shirtless in front of another guy and who also looks like he shaves his body hair, that's saying something. After a little more banter, Keith tells Lamb that he'll need unrestricted access to Lamb's staff at all times, as well as personal information about everyone that works there. Lamb is uncharacteristically pliant for much of this scene, but the flash in his eyes as he smarms, "No problem, buddy -- just say how high" gives away that while he knows he has to play along, he doesn't like having a hand up the back of his shirt. So to speak. And that's all you'll be seeing of Lamb this week, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it sufficed.

Jury Room Of Anywhere But Here. The guy who picked Veronica (referred to as "Captain of Industry" on the IMDb) says he's not sure if there's any need to deliberate at all, and if he thinks that, I don't know why he bothered picking Veronica to be foreman in the first place, unless he's dying for her to read the verdict aloud in court. Of course, given that an acquittal might bring retaliation from the Mexican community, maybe I'm on to something there. Veronica hesitantly opines that a quick review of the facts couldn't hurt, so after some not-so-subtle sighing from just about everyone else in the room, C of I announces that the defendants are two twenty-one-year-old 09ers, "Robbie McKinnon and Hunter Hayes," who are charged with aggravated assault in the beating of a twenty-five-year-old Mexican woman, whose first name I think is "Aneesa," although I can't confirm that because her character wasn't in the credits. We see the mug shots of the boys, and a photo of Aneesa in the hospital. She's got some nasty bruises and cuts on her face, but for the sake of thoroughness I'll note that she's not going to need plastic surgery or anything to heal. The boys may, though, if the jury votes to acquit. According to the prosecution, Aneesa missed her bus after getting off work at the "Elite Touch" car wash in downtown Neptune, so she decided to hitchhike, and the boys picked her up. They smoked some pot, which a no-nonsense woman with a Hispanic accent next to C of I is quick to clarify was theirs and not Aneesa's. C of I goes on to say that the 09ers invited her to come to a motel with them so that they could "party" some more. No-Nonsense Woman adds, "With Ecstasy, also theirs." C of I ignores this and says the boys struck Aneesa as harmless, so she accepted, but when they got to the room, they asked her for sex. A black woman juror next to C of I pipes up to say that the boys got so aggressive that Aneesa became frightened and tried to leave. It's nice of the show to provide some diversity along with the exposition, but I'd point out that if they're trying to give out SAG cards, it would be more efficient if they all just voted verbally. C of I says that Hayes allegedly then pulled a gun and got Aneesa back inside, where McKinnon punched and kicked her. I guess they didn't get around to popping the Ecstasy, then. We see crime-scene photos showing blood on the sheets and walls as C of I goes on to say that Hayes put the gun on the bedside table and got on top of Aneesa, but that she fought back, grabbed the gun, and fired twice into the ceiling. I'm not sure she would have been in a position to fight back after smoking weed and getting severely beaten, but maybe I'm underestimating the power of adrenaline. Veronica gets to take a bite of the Exposition Salad as she says the boys ran off, and the police picked them up the next day based on Aneesa's descriptions and the motel security footage. C of I wraps it up by saying that Aneesa said she staggered (again, she fought back when she could barely walk?) out to the balcony and threw the gun over the railing, but that the gun was never found. Maybe someone investigating the crime took it for some reason of his own -- nah, that would never happen in Neptune.

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Veronica Mars

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