One note before we get started for those of you who don't know me: the show is titled Veronica Mars, and it takes place in "Neptune, California." If you think I'm above making a multitude of jokes about Uranus...well, it's nice to finally meet you.
Fade up on a high-school parking lot. Cheerleaders. Expensive cars. A young female voice tells us that if you go to this school, "your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires." With all due respect, that's probably not true, but she's making a point here, so fine. I wouldn't want my entire relationship with this character to be based on nitpicking, anyway. (If you believe that: no, really! It's nice to meet you!) She adds that Neptune is a town without a middle class, and if you're one of the unprivileged many, you either get a normal job, "or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims." The "me" in question is a girl whose flippy blonde hair and facial construction (as well as her penchant for investigation) beg for a comparison to Chloe Sullivan. Well, there's the comparison. Let's move on. The girl is obviously the titular Veronica Mars. Hee. "Titular." Oh, come on. Considering the only other role I've seen her in was the leaky-boobed cheerleader on Everwood (and yes, I know she was on Deadwood as well, but I never saw that show), at least my juvenile snickering is somewhat appropriate. (I make no promises for the Uranus references, though.) Anyway, there's a big crowd around the flagpole, and Veronica pushes her way through to discover that there's a teenaged boy, who just happens to be black, duct-taped to it. One girl in the crowd wonders why no one's cutting him down, and some guy says he doesn't want to be up there the next day. Okay, seriously? I went to high school too, and I know all about peer pressure, but...a crowd this size and no one's helping this kid? Did I mention he's naked except for the duct tape around his waist? (Although I hope they left his underwear on underneath. I've heard of sensitive guys who wish they could experience the pain of giving birth, but trust me, no guy wants to experience the pain of a Brazilian bikini wax.) But beyond the peer pressure thing, having the black kid strung up in the courtyard isn't just a little much even for high school, and do you know how much money the school could get sued for over this? Well, there would be two types of parents in this school: this kid's parents, and those who work for this kid's parents. Anyway. Some asshole is taking his picture with the poor kid, but Veronica tells him to get out of the way as she pulls a small switchblade and cuts the kid down. The kid has "SNICH" written across his chest, by the way. Hee. It would have been awesome if the kid had been like, "Um, it's got a 'T' in it, dude." TWoP would probably hire him on the spot. ["If he put a '[sic]' after it, he'd probably get tenure." -- Wing Chun] Veronica breezily says he must be new, and welcomes him to Neptune High. As the bell rings, she sarcastically says to the crowd, "Go Pirates!" Hee. I already kind of...don't hate her. Believe me, that's a promising start.