Veronica Mars
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 26 USERS: A+
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Veronica Mars...

Courtroom. Officer Fuckface is telling the court that the two bikers had about twenty bottles in their coats (ten forties each? I don't think so, asshole) and although they claim they paid, it's all on the security tape. He pauses a moment when Veronica enters the courtroom and takes a seat. Someone else from the sheriff's department cues up the tape, but instead of the one they expected, it's a tape showing how The Seventh Veil keeps its liquor license. And I could be coy about it, but seriously, you know me by now. So basically? It's blowjobs. Lots and lots of blowjobs. For officers, by strippers. In squad cars. Yeah. The judge is less than impressed, and the sleazy defense attorney who gave Veronica the tip asks for a dismissal. Veronica gives Officer Fuckface a finger-gun, which I normally hate, but he really deserved it, so I can live with it. She leaves, and Officer Fuckface looks steamed. Ha.

Beach. Veronica pulls up in her convertible, which I also could point out doesn't look all that shabby to me. Wallace is flying his plane. She goes over and gives him the security tape, and he's thrilled and thanks her. She says she had her own reasons for doing it, but he tells her she can't get away with that, and says that underneath her "angry young woman show, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars!" Hmm. That's the first time I've ever seen someone beg for baked goods while making a friend. I guess he's a little young to be carb-conscious, though. Veronica smiles in spite of herself, and I really think Kristen Bell can handle this role.

Cut to Veronica piloting the plane. She asks how to make it loop-the-loop, but Wallace's attention is on something else. They walk over to Veronica's car, upon and around which are Logan and a few goons. He asks if she knows what her little stunt cost him. When she sasses him, he takes a tire iron and breaks one of her headlights. She flinches, which is nice, because I wouldn't buy her as so hard-boiled that she could endure that completely impassively. He tells her that it cost him his car. "My daddy took my T-Bird away." Oh, don't say it. "And you know what I won't be having?" No, seriously, don't say it. "Fun, fun, fun." Oh, my God, he said it. The Beach Boys are now looking forward to dying, just so they can spin in their graves. One of the goons -- who's totally the Rancho Carne quarterback from Bring It On -- gets Logan's attention, as the bikers are approaching.

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Veronica Mars

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