Woody Goodman. Still giving me the all-over shudders. He says to his telephone that "Father Fitzpatrick has blown this way out of proportion," and mentions the facts in favor of incorporation, again: more law enforcement immediately, the eventual bounce-back of property values...And then Furonda from America's Next Top Model shows up, ranking somewhere between Kim and Naima on the ANTM-Suck Scale, but to be fair, she's a lot closer to Kim. She also looks way less weird, prettier here than she usually does on her show, and that's an accomplishment. I wonder if she gave Woody a list of how she would and would not prefer to be treated, on her first day. I wonder if he did something gross with that list, because all I see when I look at Woody is creepy stuff I don't even know about because I don't spend a lot of time on the internet. Furonda tells Woody that the intern has arrived, and he asks her, "Beverly," to get some photographers or whatever for the PR.
Woody's jaw drops just a bit when he sees that the intern is Logan, but to be fair, they're kind of alike in a lot of ways. They shake, and Woody's all, "Great essay," but quickly tells Bev to cancel his last request for the PR, because Logan is a famous fuck-up now, instead of just being the child of a couple of them. Bev's like, "Um, okay?" and gives Woody a Bible to swear Logan in for his fake job. I wonder if Logan will spontaneously...oh, Logan makes the joke instead of me, hissing and pulling back as though it's burned him. He apologizes to Woody, all kinds of flirty, swears in quickly, and then runs off to fire Sheriff Lamb. Bev and Woody laugh like he's not deadly serious, but Logan's funny/scary ratio isn't something you can pick up right away. Woody brings up the incorporation, since it's all he ever wants to talk about, and Logan gives a funny and very off-the-cuff speech about how he so supports the incorporation, will put his considerable [negative!] weight behind it, and wants to take it so far as to erect a wall around the entirety of Neptune, possibly to keep Lamb inside, although he doesn't say that directly. He offers to visit some community centers and sell them on the whole fascist idea of walling up Neptune, but even Woody knows when he's getting joked with, so he doesn't email Logan with a lot of exclamation points. They are very smiley with each other. It is scary. They are two scary men, Logan and Woody, and if you think about how scary, you probably will freak out. Woody asks Logan -- before mounting the revolution -- if he'd start by separating the bins of mail into pro- and anti-incorporation piles, and while Logan would prefer to see Beverly do it, she smartly offers him a letter opener, and Woody goggles and grins at him: "Beats selling burgers at a Woody's, right?" Logan's like, "I wouldn't know, you're the one who's served twenty billion." Dirty! Logan winks (Too dirty! Reverse your current dirtiness vector before it's too late!) and Woody gives him some finger guns. The first time I watched this, I thought, "They should have their own show!" and the second time I watched it, I thought, "I've seen their own show, and it was so scary I took it back to the porn store, and was still shaking as I asked for my cash back!"