Veronica Mars
Plan B

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 8 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
What A Non-Incorporated Municipality Without Pity Can Do

Something horrible and fucked up now happens. I did not fucking make this up, even though, honestly, I myself would assume that I did if my notes didn't say otherwise. Logan's poking around in Woody's office, and sets up what I'm assuming is a largish plot point in the near future when he finds Woody's signature stamp and tests it out on a legal pad. Woody comes into his own office knocking, all smiles as usual, and says, in a way that pings my Spidey-sense, "Bet I know what you need right about now." That's one check mark, because I'm willing to think that I am weird enough about Logan that I'm seeing shit that's not there. One.

Cut to the Courthouse workout room, where Woody asks for a spot. That's two. Like I said, it's not the thing that's weird, just the feeling I have. It's all on me, I admit that. Two. Logan is wearing an argyle sweater, so it's possible that he will Type IV Fake murder Woody, I guess, but Duncan with the former-fat-kid upper-body intensity is kind of Three, even in absentia, if this is going where my Spider vibes say they are. They talk about the demolition ceremony, how Logan is maybe "excited" but more like "nervous" and probably needs somebody to "walk [him] through it." (Um, Four through Six, and I no longer think I'm being a perv. I honestly expected Couch Baron to drunk-dial me at this exact moment and be like, "Fucker!" But on the other hand, Omar, Tom Welling, and Michael Rosenbaum got me on a conference call right then, all, "Get out of there!") In retrospect, I think it's more than anything a testament to my faith in Logan Echolls that I automatically saw this line as his turning point from "Bwuh?" to "I got your Good Will Hunting number so bad, you fucking nasty old goat," but only time will tell. "Walk me through it" my ass. But of course, he's got a spare punch line in there as well: "Push down, right?" Not touching that. He's talking about the bomb plunger, and that's all. Bomb plunger. Oh God! I hate when everything you say is dirty like bad Monty Python sketches! That shit used to happen all the time with Anthony Federov! I still have nightmares!

And it's not getting better: this last line causes Woody to giggle uncontrollably, and Logan has to help him to get the bar back on the rack (For some reason, even though I knew going in that we were liable to have this kind of scene, this is where my notes decide to say, verbatim: "girlthis is weird please make it stop". My computer's name is Giles, but I call him "Girl" in these types of situations. I don't know. Now's not the time.) Woody ("Woody"? Nothing is safe!) stares at Logan as voraciously as a Guttenburg can, which is...more than we might think. As though spontaneously, I remember this movie where he was a medical resident and all the girls were after him, and also he was the cutest of the Three Men, but like, that's MORE confusing, not less, as he's saying, "You know, looking at you...reminds me of the good old days, when I was young, and...ripped..." Woody Goodman reaches out and feels Logan. Feels Logan Echolls! Like a piece of meat! Just feels him! "Bet you have some fun with the ladies, huh?" Full-body shudders. Did you ever see that Far Side where the Reptile Exhibit guy finally succumbs to a twenty-year accumulated attack of the Willies? Yeah. Then Woody Goodman fucking giggles again. I admit I jumped the gun with Beaver's whole abuse scenario, but I am not making this up. My stuff turned inside-out trying to get away from this scene. Gah! Boooogedy blah! Eurghh hoo-hoo! Hackity hoo! Blehhhgarghramapoppoppopwheeyarg! EEEEEEEEEbooogedy! Yikes! Forever!

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Veronica Mars

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