Outside the Fitzpatrick church, you can hear the organ playing. A bike pulls up, and Thumper gets off and removes his helmet. A hand etherizes him, and he's dragged into the street as creepy little kids watch from inside a van. Weevil removes an envelope of money from his jacket: "Enjoy Confession." But confession is where Thumper hands over the drug money! If he shows up without money, the Fitzpatricks are going to think he...oh. Oh, Eli.
Beaver and Mac get way "romantic," if by "romantic" you mean "super-uncomfortable and not romantic at all." One of them says that no matter how much crepe paper they toss, the gym is still not a "garden paradise," and the other one says that he or she is "having a moment here," and requests a little imagination. I don't guess it matters which, though, because: "GARDEN PARADISE"? Scary things happen when you leave those. Flaming swords and brambles and shit, and like, homelessness and agriculture and beasts of burden. And sex.
Jane and Wallace dance boringly and she lets on that, at the ripe old age of seventeen, her parents have finally decided to give her The Talk. Wallace is not paying attention, because he's looking at Jackie with Charlie, and trying to do the math on the last time he screwed up his own life, without outside forces intervening. Jane calls him back, and he admits that his was a one-word Talk: "Don't." They laugh.
Gia: "...My dad likes having you at work, he says you've got potential -- I think that was the word..." Logan laughs that "potential" was "the word," but that "underachiever was the sentiment." She laughs, ready to talk some more now that Logan's said a sentence, in case we forgot what is going to happen at the end of this episode that sounds really stupid but is apparently totally important because somebody mentions it in every scene. "The demolition ceremony's going to be fun are you nervous what if you push the plunger and nothing happens?" (Not making a "happens to guys all the time, Woody" joke. Not doing it. That was creepy enough on its own.) "Like total silence?" asks the completely exasperated Logan. "Let's try to imagine it..." Veronica spots them and takes a picture, but doesn't approach just yet, because Logan doesn't have his brass knuckles out yet.
Charlie's mom approaches the very much enjoying themselves Jackie and Charlie and says it's time for Charlie to go. Because of the tension that's been ramping up, you might think it's time for Charlie's wig-out, but he just says a sweet goodbye, and Jackie kisses him. Aww. Wallace watches her leave after him, offers to get Jane a refreshing beverage, and chases Jackie into the street. Oh, Wallace. "You all right?" She's like, "Yeah?" He lies that he wanted to make sure she was okay, because she "blew out so fast," and I have to say, he's acting like a dog right here, but at least it has to do with him and not trying to be some kind of big dog on campus or anything. He's legitimately confused about all of this, not playing Jackie and Jane like a normal guy would, to get some kind of "I'm so cool" cred out of it. Yeah, he went into the Jane thing knowing on some level that he still liked Jackie, and that's ugly in practice, but still better than trying to impress the other guys. "That's sweet," says Jackie, thinking they're still playing the game, and Wallace kisses her. Jackie: "Eeeeeasy, boy! Don't you have a date?" He asks if she doesn't also still have feelings, and she is quite clear about how that's not material: "The girl you're trying to make me right now is the girl I'm trying really hard not to be. So knock it off." Said with just the right amount of no-harm sweetness and honesty. No cards up her sleeves. I like New Jackie even more than Old Jackie. Which I guess is the point. She smiles and takes off, and Wallace wipes his mouth and heads back in...