Veronica Mars
Plan B

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 9 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
What A Non-Incorporated Municipality Without Pity Can Do

On the dance floor, Logan's back to his baseline: shit-talking chocolate shell with the honesty cream filling inside: "When I dreamed of this moment, 'I've Had The Time Of My Life' was playing." Veronica just puts his arms around her, refusing to look into his eyes. And they dance. Every time Logan looks away, so tall and gangly, Veronica sneaks a look up at him, small and wise and tired. Finally, he looks down, and they lock eyes, and a song begins to play for us, over the scenes to come, and they dance, and they don't kiss, and it's awesome.

Less awesome -- though no less painful, I would imagine -- is Thumper's current circumstance, which is getting the shit kicked out of him by Liam. He says that he went unconscious and, later, the cash was gone. Liam points out that Thumper's "baby face" is a bit too pretty for a muggee, and asks if he was hit in the head, or maybe received a Vulcan Death Grip, all while beating him. Danny brings in the envelope of cash, which he says was shoved behind "the little bunny's gas tank." Act out on Thumper's terrified face. Oh, Weevil.

Jane walks past Jackie in the hall, next day at school, and turns around: "I used to think everyone was wrong about you." She turns and leaves, damage done, and Jackie is a little sad, and a little thinky.

In a bathroom somewhere, Liam and Danny are tying Thumper to a urinal, acting all scary and weird -- it's been several hours, no? Crystal meth is so, so ugly. I saw Spun, I know what I'm talking about -- as Thumper complains that it was Weevil who set him up. He lays out his last, screaming card -- "I got something on you!" -- before they stuff his mouth and cover it with duct tape and make a duct tape joke from five years ago. And they leave, walk out with him tied to the urinal, as a strange honking noise sounds. That's what my notes say, like I wasn't sure if it was actually on the TV or just in my new, very loud, very highway- and train-adjacent apartment: "Strange honking noise?" Because if they were trying to humiliate and/or threaten him, they'd take it to the flag pole, right? So why this strange honking bathroom? It's in the school, right?

Woody comes to Keith and acts almost as sketchy as with Logan, frankly, all about how the creepy video is courtesy of a former gardener of the household, who confessed to taping the creepy video in retaliation for getting fired for killing the hydrangeas. "My wife is...tough," Woody breathes. That's a pretty not-so-harsh word for it, but yeah. Woody says that the gardener is really not a bad guy -- in fact, so much so that Woody promised the guy he'd get the DVD back. Which is not only a lie, but also a total lie, because it doesn't even make fucking sense on top of being a lie. I'm so sure, fucking weirdo sex goat Goodman. Fuck you and your gardener. I hate not knowing what people are up to! Drives me bats! Keith soft-pedals the bullshit ("You are being very understanding"), and Woody shakes and wiggles about how he's got "bigger fish" and probably Keith would be "out of business" if "they all went this way, huh," because: like any crime in the history of private detection ever got solved by the victim politely requesting the evidence and giving it back to the obviously fabricated perpetrator. Yeah, I see Keith being really scared about that trend continuing. "So, Keith," he sweats and gulps and shivers some more, so you make sure and get what's going on some more, "you got that DVD?"

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Veronica Mars

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