Veronica Mars
Return Of The Kane

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 8 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Melrose Law
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Man, this isn't going to be easy. It's like trying to do a stand-up routine at a funeral. Of someone you actually liked. Jon Stewart, would you write this recap for me? Better yet, would you marry me? Of course, that's completely forbidden in eleven shiny new states now, so how do you feel about Canada? Pretty good, huh? Me too.

Fade up on a palatial estate. Logan, in bathrobe over pajamas, rides down his driveway on a scooter to retrieve the paper. Between the scooter and the outfit, you're not exactly projecting the manliest image there, son. The backdrop of palm trees and terra cotta as far as the eye can see isn't helping, either. A crowd comes spilling out of an RV that's parked across from the gates at the end of the driveway. Logan aggressively tells the trailer-park crowd -- who seem harmless enough, if camera-happy -- to get away from the property. Dude, considering that the house isn't even within walking distance of the gate, I don't know why you care. From the next town over, a robe-and-nightie-clad Lisa Rinna calls to Logan to get back in the house. I was pretty excited about this cast, because seeing Lisa Rinna on Melrose Place taught me one of life's very important lessons: from watching her throw over Rob Estes for Jack Wagner, I was able to conclude that collagen injections cause blindness. If it weren't for her, I might have had to wait all the way until "Barbara Hershey" to find that out. Before Logan can get back on his scooter, however, a luxury car pulls up, and out pops Harry Hamlin, Logan's father Aaron Echolls, and Lisa Rinna's real-life husband. He also slept with Michael Ontkean in one of the earlier gay movies that I remember, the horribly cheesily-titled Making Love. That's not really a propos of anything, but I figured I'd talk about it while it's still legal to do so. Actually, there is a point to bringing that up -- it reminds me of how atrocious Harry Hamlin's hair used to be. In fact, this role is the first one I've seen in which he doesn't appear to be wearing a very thick toupee. Some things really do age well. Haaron's all autographs and smiles for the cameras, and even brings Logan over for an impromptu photo op. He tells Logan that these folks pay for the lifestyle to which the Echolls family has become accustomed. And it looks like that doesn't leave them much money to spend on fashion, either.

Establishing shot of the school. Inside, Duncan finds his dad and thanks him for bringing his soccer equipment: "I polled the rest of the soccer team. None of them want [sic] to see my junk." I'd bet one out of ten of them was lying. And will be for at least the next four years. Jake notices that school elections are taking place this week, and advises Duncan to run, since it would look good on his college application. Man, the way Jake keeps pushing Duncan about college, you'd think Jake couldn't afford to buy a new building for a university. Or, you know, all the universities. Duncan good-naturedly tells Jake that all student government does is "sell candy and argue about prom decorations." In my school, I don't think they didn't even did that. Selling candy was the domain of the football team, and...well, I didn't care about prom, since it wasn't something boys went to with other boys. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. Pardon my French. And fuck this fucking administration. Pardon it again. Jake tells Duncan that that'll change with "the reign of Kane." Kind of adorably, Jake knows that's a cheesy line. That doesn't stop Duncan from making fun of him, though. Good for him.

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Veronica Mars

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