Veronica Mars
Ruskie Business

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Helping People Is Overrated

School. Veronica, wearing a sweet pea coat, finds Saint Blonde in the hallway. She's just received a large bouquet of what vaguely look like pink carnations, in the grand tradition of high-school secret admirers. However, Veronica identifies them as "purple-faced monkey orchid(s)," native to the Australian outback. She slips into an Aussie accent as she speculates that the admirer is "an aboriginal tribesman." Well done on the accent, there. Give that girl a vegemite sandwich. Meg says that the admirer asked her to the dance in the accompanying note. Veronica finds a card with the florist's name on it. Meg asks about the text messages, and Veronica says she has her "best man on it." Don't get that BFF tattoo yet, Wallace.

Speaking of whom, Wallace lingers on the school bus when the other guys get off. He goes into Caz's bag while outside, Caz tells Saint Blonde that he's throwing a "rager" at his house the next night that should be "pretty kick-ass." They might, dare I say, be burning down the house. For some reason, Wallace fishes out Caz's jockstrap, and stares at it long enough for Caz to get back on and ask him what the hell he's doing. Oh, Wallace, as if you didn't have enough social problems. Now you've got to convince the team that you're not thinking of them when you're turning Japanese.

Mars Investigations. Veronica and Catarina are back in Keith's office as the former tells the latter that "Mr. Mars" was unable to turn up any trace of Tom. Catarina asks if there's nothing more he can do. Veronica suggests hiring Keith full-time, at $250 a day plus expenses, and Catarina unhesitatingly goes for that option. As she writes a check, Veronica asks if Catarina can tell her anything else about Tom. She just expounds on how fugly and poor he is. Oh, also, he's sweet and kind and makes her laugh. You know, if Veronica's going to be accepting a personal check from this woman, I'd think she might at least ask her what she does, considering that a couple years earlier she was shipped over in a crate. But then we wouldn't get to see her staring soulmatefully into space. Recovering, Veronica asks Catarina if he had any hobbies or any other discerning habits. Apparently he played "gweetar," but not very well, and also liked hockey and Chinese food. Well, she's narrowed it down to half the straight guys I've ever known. Of course, that's at least a way to discern him from his homonymsake. Catarina hands over the check and asks Veronica to ask Keith to work as quickly as he can. Veronica: "I'm sure he'll come through." You gotta have faith.

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Veronica Mars

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