Veronica Mars
Ruskie Business

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Helping People Is Overrated

Flower shop. Veronica shows a cell-phone picture of Saint Blonde's flowers to...how was I going to describe this guy? I remember searching for the perfect words. Well, he's got a voice like Wolfman Jack, and he's dressed like he's going to bike to Burning Man, making several stops for beer along the way. I think that'll work, because the people who would be baffled at that description are the same ones whom the '80s references caused to drop out of this recap a long time ago. Veronica asks who bought the flowers, and the answer is that he wasn't bad-looking, medium-sized, with a "high-school kid look." Veronica is all "Okay!" and takes off, presumably having deduced that this guy's interest in horticulture doesn't end when he closes up shop for the night.

Mars Investigations. Wallace is looking up dogs and babbling about Mexican hairlesses. He wishes he were in Tijuana. Eating barbecued iguana. Veronica gets a call from Keith, who, sitting in his car, asks why he got a voicemail from Catarina asking how he's doing on the case. As Veronica uses her computer to take a closer look at the picture of the dog, she explains that the case is more complicated that she thought, and he counsels her to tell the woman they're too busy. She counters that they need the money, since it would be nice not to have glasses with pictures of the Hamburglar on them. I still have glasses like that, Veronica. You're making me grimace. She tells Keith that it would be nice if for once, they brought people together rather than tearing them apart. He says they're "not the freakin' Love Boat." And let me just tell you something right now: If you shippers start referring to your desire for a Logan/Veronica pairing as "the LoVe Boat," I'm torching the forums and never looking back. Veronica zeroes in on the dog's collar, which reads "Steve." On cue, Wallace identifies it as a Catahoula Leopard dog. Keith begs her to do some high-school girl things every now and then. I thought those things interfered with "daddy-daughter time." Veronica promises that she's cutting pictures of "Ashton" out of Teen People as they speak. Look, I'm not saying Ashton Kutcher's age alone should disqualify him from being in teen rags. But when you're two degrees of coital separation away from Bruce Willis, it might be time to market yourself to an audience that's slightly longer in the tooth. Keith sees a guy with a neck brace awkwardly licking an ice-cream cone across the street. He hops out of his car in pursuit, unaware that he's being observed by two guys in a car. Said guys should really be living in an era when mustaches were popular, so they wouldn't have to do their twirling figuratively.

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Veronica Mars

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