Oh, is it my turn yet? Because the previouslies lasted approximately as long as the Cretaceous Period. Okay. Keith goes to Lamb and tells him about the explosives, and Lamb treats Keith with the usual level of respect. Lamb does, however, search the hangar, and upon finding the explosives, issues a warrant for Cook's arrest. The situation is compounded when Cook gets shot by Miss Dumas's dad. Meanwhile, Veronica takes a moment to give Logan shit for what he's doing with Hannah, but Logan doesn't have much time for her, as Haaron appears on a television exposÃ© to point the finger at Duncan for Lilly's murder. This story smears the entire Echolls family, conveniently turning the town against Logan even more than supposedly happened over the summer. Cliff, who's still defending Logan, pops up to tell him that the DA has strangely offered a big plea bargain, but it would still mean jail time, so Logan turns it down. Veronica, too, is busy, as Wallace's girlfriend Jane's sister is supposed to be getting married to some rich dude, but she pulls a Runaway Bride, or so it seems, so Jane asks Veronica for help. Also, Kendall and Beaver are making money and evil together, but Kendall strikes out on her own to solicit money from Haaron using Monty Python references and a very disturbing version of phone sex. Logan ups the evil ante by faking an email from Hannah's mom to her dad. Evil meets evil when Kendall tries to sell Logan real estate, but when Hannah's dad comes over to talk terms with Logan, Kendall takes a hair sample from Logan's shower. One can only guess that it's not her own. Griffith tells Logan he'll make his testimony go away if Logan ceases and desists with Hannah. Veronica's investigation takes her to Vinnie Vanlowe -- who, it turns out, was hired by the bridegroom to...get the engagement ring back? Okay. In the end, Logan asks Veronica for help. Can smooches be far behind? Actually, they probably can.
Like sands through the hourglass, so go the days of these previouslies. Seriously, I started cracking up about halfway through, because come on. On the plus side for me as a recapper, the action only starts almost three minutes in, according to my DVR. But seriously, I mean, do they think they've got anyone watching who doesn't know who Lilly Kane is? Even Guy Pearce's character in Memento is like, "Dude, I get it." So, moving on.
Keith is asking Veronica whether she definitely saw explosives in the hangar. Veronica says yes, no doubt running through a mental list of fortysomething baseball stars that might make a good replacement man-crush for her dad. Unfortunately, the list of those who could hold a candle to Cook in the looks department is rather short. She adds that they were marked "C4," and hesitantly offers that it's possible Cook has a legitimate use for them. Keith: "Trout fishing?" God, I just saw the South Park episode where Stan's uncle takes the boys camping and uses grenades to blast the fish. I wonder if this is the show's way of telling us that Scuzzle-butt blew up the bus. Keith asks whether anyone else knows about this, and Veronica tells him Jackie was there but didn't see anything. That time. Veronica asks Keith what he's going to do, and the answer is get dressed...
...and we cut to Lamb asking Keith to repeat himself. Keith tells Lamb about the explosives, and Lamb is all skeptical, even though this validates his earlier arrest of Cook. On a completely unrelated note, do you guys think that Lamb might enjoy being contrary with Keith?
A graphic for The Tinseltown Diaries accosts us as a somber male voice informs us that they'll be chronicling "the rise and fall of one of Hollywood's brightest stars." I have to admit that I braced myself here, because I expected to see some serious couch abuse, and that's a sensitive subject for me. But no, the subject is actually Haaron. He apparently was both a choir boy and a Cub Scout, and I was hoping to get an inkling into what his aggressive heterosexuality might be overcompensating for, but no such luck. They call him a "megastar" as they show a still shot from Clash Of The Titans, which hee, and then a montage ensues of tabloid headings, mug shots, and bad Photoshop. There follows a clip from a prison interview in which Haaron swears that he didn't kill Lilly, and then we pan out from the TV to see Dick and Logan watching the show in Logan's suite. Logan asks Dick to switch the channel. I suppose after watching every graphic moment of your dad nailing your girlfriend, this could be a bit of an, um, anticlimax. Dick displays his usual level of sensitivity in refusing to comply with Logan's request, and the narrator goes on to say that the other members of the Echolls family have sordid lives and are an "endless source of tabloid fodder." Dick cuts in to note how lean Haaron looks: "Probably all those tossed salads, huh?" Yeah, I hear they've even won trophies. We hear about Haaron's infidelity, Lynn's suicide, Trina's "terminal illness," and Logan's bum fights. And now I find myself wishing the previouslies had been even longer. I mean, don't I do enough hyperlink research as it is? Anyway, Dick laughs at the spectacle of it all, but Logan looks upset as the camera closes in and the narrator goes on about how Logan, like his dad, is awaiting trial.