Veronica Mars
The Quick And The Wed

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Actually, They're Neither, But Who's Keeping Score?

We pan back out to see that Hannah and her mom are also watching the program. Hannah's mom is all, "That's who you're dating?" Jeez, Ms. Griffith, take it easy on the overparenting. Hannah doesn't reply as the interviewer asks Haaron about the sex tapes, the existence of which Haaron denies. He advances the theory that Duncan is the killer, and if they were going to show so many previouslies that even veteran viewers of The X-Files are all, "You might want to chill with that," they might have included the clip of a catatonic Duncan holding a bloody Lilly in his hands. Or, better yet, the part where Haaron basically confessed to Veronica that he killed Lilly, so that people on the boards wouldn't be so confused. (I mean, it's in character and makes dramatic sense for Haaron to try to obfuscate here, but HE DID IT. Watch the scene in "Leave It To Beaver" again.)

Now we're in Java The Hut, where Veronica's listlessly watching the show while holding several cups of coffee on a tray. Jane comes up and politely informs Veronica that she's holding Jane's table's drinks. Veronica: "And you want me to bring them to you versus watching them get cold from across the room." That was amazing, Veronica but how come you could never do that with Duncan? Anyway, Jane and Veronica stop to watch Jane's sister, "Heidi," hamming it up while singing "I Want You To Want Me." Considering that her sartorial choices make her look like a cross between Stevie Nicks and Sporty Spice, I think the desire expressed in the song is likely to go unfulfilled. Heidi is out with Jane and a bunch of friends for her bachelorette party, since she's getting married, to a "Paul Mann," who according to one of the friends belongs to some of the oldest money in Neptune. Veronica: "You mean like from the '80s?" Oh, Veronica, your snark is misplaced. Considering the disaster unfolding on stage, it's the '70s you should be knocking.

Anyway, Heidi thankfully finishes up and joins her friends, and one of them makes a comment about her engagement ring, which Donald Trump would probably have rejected as both too pricey and too tacky. It's like she put a quarter of a million dollars into one of those machines at the bowling alley, and this is what the claw grabbed for her. Veronica notes one of the friends Irishing up her coffee as Heidi explains that Java The Hut is the first stop in a night of "no-holds-barred bacchanalia." Next will be a quick trip to H&R Block to pick up stressed-out accountants in need of some quick release. Jane hands Veronica a paper with "Bachelorette Scavenger Hunt" instructions on it, as we learn that Heidi has talked a man out of his underwear. One hopes that he will have less regret tomorrow about that decision than Molly Ringwald did. Veronica: "All righty then! If you wind up getting to #8, be sure and bring mouthwash." Bad luck -- I used an entire bottle up just thinking about the "tossed salad" comment.

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Veronica Mars

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