Veronica Mars
The Quick And The Wed

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Actually, They're Neither, But Who's Keeping Score?

Keith's cell phone rings, which is a welcome distraction from all the credit Lamb isn't giving him, and Veronica asks him to run Heidi's phone records, credit cards, and the like before expressing sympathy about Cook. They hang up, and Veronica looks across the courtyard to see Logan and Hannah being all couply. Veronica's face is all, "NOT," and who can blame her? I mean, these two are so obviously doomed that the forum posters haven't even bothered to give them a portmanteau name. Logan asks whether he should come over after school. Hannah: "The words out of your mouth are 'come over,' but all I hear you saying is 'Let's have sex.'" I wonder how she got hold of Weevil's Logan-to-English dictionary. Logan banters with her...

...and then we're at Logan's locker, which he closes to reveal Veronica to us. "Toying with a sweet little girl's heart just to screw with her dad?" asks Veronica. "You've really plumbed new depths, Logan." Well, not quite -- I mean, he hasn't, um, "come over" quite yet. Logan calls Veronica out for being jealous, which from her reaction might be a tiny bit true, although presumably the jealousy is related to all the making out and not to Hannah's being used as a naïve pawn in a sick, twisted game. Of course, with Logan, those two are kind of like horse and carriage.

Java The Hut. Veronica is interviewing Heidi's friends. She learns that Heidi had an ex-boyfriend's name tattooed on her ass after they'd been going out for a week, and had it removed after two. You certainly don't expect the end of so short a relationship to be quite that painful. Another friend says that Paul thinks he's marrying "the last nice girl," so apparently all his money hasn't been used to buy IQ points, experience with women, or really, a clue of any kind. Other points: one of the friends lost her cell phone; they went to a male strip club called "Packaged Meat," like, way to be redundant; and there was a guy stalking Heidi at the "Happy Horseshoe" whom she had the bouncers kick out. None of them saw him, though, and the camera that they were all using throughout the evening is in Heidi's possession. VMVO: "Thank you, ladies, for all your help." The VMVO is out of practice, and it shows.

Jane answers her bell to find Veronica. Turns out they're at Heidi's, which looks like a tornado hit it, if you'll allow me to turn into my mother for a second. Veronica thinks Heidi's place having been ransacked isn't a good thing, but Jane blithely tells her that it always looks like that, and sarcastically notes how easy it will be to find the camera. Veronica notes two wineglasses out, one of which has a large piece missing from it, and asks Jane whether she's sure Heidi wasn't expecting company. The answer is yes -- Jane knows that Heidi probably just forgot that she'd dispensed a glass already when she poured the second one -- and besides, her sister double-fisting or breaking a glass doesn't exactly warrant a banner headline. Jane also notices that Heidi left her cell-phone charger, but when Veronica asks whether she can tell if Heidi packed a bag, Jane is all, "I'm not Miss Marple, and it wouldn't even help if I were, so are we done here? Good." Subtext can be fun!

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Veronica Mars

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