The Woodman holds an essay contest on freedom, and the prize is an internship with him, and well as the privilege of blowing some shit up. Logan takes Hannah out in the middle of the parking lot and shoots her, but feels bad about it and comes clean, and the question of whether they had sex before doesn't seem particularly relevant, because they totally go for it. Until, that is, Griffith busts in and drags Hannah out of there, and before you know it, she's been shipped off to boarding school in Vermont, so I guess she's kind of the Mary from 7th Heaven of this show. Veronica's unpsyched about Hearst College, but she and Wallace (who gets an athletic scholarship there, natch) go for an informational weekend, and Veronica gets a tour from Michael Cera, and before you can even digest how awesome that is, Icetwin shows up, which Veronica's even more unpsyched about, but I can be psyched enough for both of us. Anyway, Icetwin claims to have cleaned up his act, but Veronica in turn claims not to care. She hits a party Alia Shawkat happens to be attending, and I think Alia runs off with Icetwin, but my mind is totally blown at this point, so forgive any mistakes from here on out. Unfortunately, the scene isn't so much of a fun, sexy time as I would have thought, as the next day, Alia has been roofied, raped, and had her head shaved, and is accusing Icetwin of the crime, since he's the last thing she remembers. Icetwin begs Veronica for help, and Veronica -- whether because of or in spite of her own identification issues -- agrees. After happily taking down a frat full of future That Guys, Veronica succeeds in exonerating Icetwin, but not in catching the rapist. And speaking of sexual misconduct, Keith finds Cliff handcuffed to a bed, and it looks like he shaves his chest, for those of you who have moved your crushes to the physical. The woman made off with his briefcase, which unfortunately contained files on Logan's case. In investigating the security tapes, we find that Lamb is hooking up with Madison, and with the handcuffs already in play this episode, I won't blame you if your mind has gone to very disturbing places. Keith and Cliff use the information to lean on Lamb, who tells them that the briefcase woman is an escort he's busted, but that lead doesn't seem to go anywhere. What does go somewhere is that Veronica, in inquiring about the explosives that are going to be used to blow up the old baseball stadium, comes across her old friend Danny Boyd, so she's thinking the Fitzpatricks are involved in both the season mysteries, like, about time, girlie. Also, TWoP gets another shout-out. Whee!
If they were going to put Icetwin in the thankfully-normal-length-this-week previouslies, why didn't they put him in last week's promo? Sometimes I think television departments are like a whole bunch of appendages without a brain to guide them. (No reflection on Dawn Ostroff, who I think is a lovely, lovely woman, and about whom I hope never to have to say anything negative, HINT HINT.) Also, like anyone who went to Austin, I've known about the Michael Cera/Alia Shawkat casting for quite some time, but the fact that this episode is finally here -- I can hardly contain myself. However, Rob explained that those two agreed to appear on the show only if their roles were nothing like those they play on Arrested Development, so I guess the only thing I can do is refrain from making any references to that show in this recap. Now let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was.
In English, the nasal female teacher whom we haven't seen in quite some time snarks on Dick, who -- shockingly -- apparently doesn't do so hot in the class. If only playing with yourself were a scholarly pursuit. The teacher hands out a description of an essay contest sponsored by The Woodman. Apparently, the kids have to write about freedom, and the winner gets a week's internship as The Woodman's apprentice. And the fact that winning a contest by writing about freedom earns you a week of indentured servitude is just the sort of creepy cluelessness that I'd expect from The Woodman. On the plus side, the winner will get to stand by Woody as he blows up Old Shark Stadium, and the fact that Veronica didn't immediately make the connection between explosives and The Woodman is just...easy enough to believe this season, unfortunately. Dick: "Nuke the stadium? Damn! Now I totally wish I could write good." That's totally Dick, even if it is a little cornball.
Outside, Veronica sighs that Logan should be able to write quite an essay on freedom, since his case has been dismissed. Also dismissed was the big "I think I've done something horrible" cliffhanger from last episode, which...what? Veronica asks whether Hannah understood why Logan wouldn't be seeing her anymore, so I guess the bargain with Dad was the "horrible thing" he was referring to, but why unload to Veronica? I suppose she was the only one who knew the game Logan was playing, but it still seems like an odd choice for him to come in and interrupt her shift right at the end of an episode, making it seem like a real cliffhanger...oh. I just caught myself up. Anyway, Logan hasn't so much told Hannah that her services, such as they are, will no longer be required, and at Veronica's exasperation, he leaves in a huff.