Veronica enters a wig store as VMVO tells us that if, by chance Stacy wasn't the first victim, there could be another girl at Hearst who's sporting a wig. One can only imagine the wacky hijinx involving a cancer patient that could ensue from pursuing this lead. VMVO says it's time for her to clinch that Emmy nomination, and I certainly can't begrudge the writers the meta there, because WAKE THE FUCK UP, AMERICA. Veronica approaches a clerk and starts her speech about how she's looking for a girl who would have come in in the last couple of months, and she's playing the part so hard from the first word that you can almost see the [small voice] [/small voice] tags around her speech. The saleswoman asks for more information, and when Veronica says that the girl's head would have been completely shaved, the woman steps on my joke by being all, "Oh. Chemo." Mine was better. Veronica nods in hilariously sincere agreement, and runs with it as she says that the girl gave up on treatment and ran away from home. This gets the saleswoman's attention, and she recalls a girl from a month earlier, but balks when Veronica doesn't know her name. Veronica, pulling out all the stops: "Ma'am! She's run away. She's scared and she's alone. We don't even want to know how she's making her money. She's given up on life." Hilariously overwrought music plays as Veronica continues to go for it, railing that not knowing where she is or "what name she's using" (niiiice) is torture: "She's my sister!" The woman goes cold: "I'm sorry. This girl was Hawaiian." I'd point out that Veronica could have pulled out the "She's adopted" card here, but if she had, we wouldn't have gotten the mournful plinking of a single piano key letting us know that the jig is up. Anyway, Veronica -- having told more lies in this one outing even than her weekly quota -- bails...

...to go see Dean. She asks where she could find a Hawaiian girl and, after clarifying that she doesn't have time to hop on a plane, learns that some of the Pacific Islander kids have lunch at the Student Union on weekends. Veronica thanks him and heads off down the hallway, but turns back and calls Dean to ask what the "CL" on one of the message boards means. He tells her it's a Pi Sigma score, and I just hope that girl doesn't wonder if maybe she isn't even Lisa Kudrow. Veronica reiterates the scores for being blonde and sassy. Dean: "Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know if you get points for being sassy, but yeah." Hee. Dean adds that the rumor is that the pledges have a board in their basement one which they keep a tally, and that if they don't score high enough, they're punished with a head-shaving. Veronica thanks Dean, gets out her phone (Sidekick! J'accuse!), and heads off, thinking that maybe Dean isn't really ready for college if he can't even add two and two.