Neptune Middle. The teacher tells her class that they have a guest speaker today, and it's Veronica, who will be "conducting a survey about gun awareness for her college Criminology course." Clearly, Veronica's looking to ferret out her honor student. Some mop-topped brat asks what a criminologist does, and Veronica takes the opportunity to remind us that she's considering a career at the FBI. The kid brats that Veronica's a girl and girls can't be FBI agents. Man, I wish this kid and Papamira would go grab a beer at Tipsy McUndergrads and discuss their antiquated anti-feminist views, and we could forget this whole stupid episode. Alas. Veronica tells "Ronald" that girls actually develop faster than boys and "have higher levels of cognitive functioning, including math calculation, written language, and verbal fluency." Ronald: Whuh? Veronica: "Well put, Ronald. We need firemen, too." I should get all up in arms about Veronica's ignorant and elitist sarcasm right now, shouldn't I? I'll do it once I can get out from under the weight of the rest of this episode's crushing platitudes.
Veronica smoothly transitions into her "topic," which is namely the danger of guns. All guns. Even toy guns like, say, pellet guns or PAINTBALL GUNS. She asks all the kids whose parents or siblings own pellet or BB guns to raise their hands. "Now, how about paintball guns?" she asks. About three kids raise their hands. "Okay, now whose family owns a big yellow pickup truck." One kid raises his hand and says, "My dad's name is Buck, and he's here to fuck." Okay, we're all in a Tarantino-referencing mood tonight. [Joe R, you and I have unfinished business. -- Couch Baron] What really happens is that the teacher looks askance at Veronica and asks what's going on, but Veronica has her answer in the raised hand of a young boy who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent. Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
The bus drops that very same kid off at The House Of Self-Hating Paintball Enthusiasts, and Veronica's already there. She takes a moment to observe the plush suburban surroundings before following the noises of youthful shenanigans around the back to what appears to be a pool house. It looks like it -- and the pool it would accompany -- is under construction, which is either a strange set choice that has no bearing on the plot or else a subtle commentary on Arab-Americans and how their integration into typical American society is an ongoing process. During which time their assimilated kids will fuck around with paintball guns and play video games with their stoner friends. Because, indeed, Veronica peeks inside to find the said weapons, as well as a quartet of Halo-playing doofuses. She manages to slip inside unnoticed until she splats a big green paintball into the middle of the TV. The boys -- fifteen-year-olds, sixteen tops -- jump up to face Veronica, gun in her hand. "Yo, bitch, what up?" yells the Middle Eastern one. Veronica responds by firing a paintball right into his chest. Hee. Can we have a whole hour of that? Veronica slugging paintballs into bratty kids' chests? I would watch an entire fourth season of just that, every week. Weirdly, we act out on Veronica revealing that she knows how much that just stung, because they shot her last night. The fade-to-black seems to imply that this is news. The big yellow truck in the driveway kind of tipped us off.