Veronica Mars
Un-American Graffiti

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C | 5 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Less You Know

The back offices of Tipsy McUndergrads. Barkeep, whose name is Murphy, is counting cash when Keith enters and says that he was told that Mr. Murphy wanted a word in private. Murphy starts waxing philosophical about why people go to bars, and how they don't go to bars so they can get hassled by sheriff's deputies every fifteen minutes. He also makes a very blunt allusion to the fact that he always donated a lot of money to the department via their yearly raffle, and in turn Lamb "appreciated his relationship with local businesses." He asks Keith how many raffle tickets he should plunk down for this year, waving a fat wad of cash as he does so. Keith says there won't be a raffle this year, but the hospital's having a pancake breakfast and could use the cash. As Keith tries to wedge himself and his self-righteousness out the door, Murphy leads him past a photo of the sheriff's department softball team, saying The Break always provided them with nice new uniforms, tournament fees, post-game beers, et cetera. Okay, 1) we see the softball team is called the Excessive Force, which: awesome; and 2) both Sacks and Gills are pictured with the team, but not Lamb. Which is BULLSHIT. Don Lamb was built to be the overcompetitive shortstop on the department softball team. Before Keith can once again look down his nose at Murphy, however, the sounds of a giggling Fast Lady Felson turn his head, and he spots Wallace and Piz, brews in hand. The boys are kind enough to look totally busted, and Murphy says he carded these boys himself. Keith takes a look at the IDs, and we all know where they got those from. Even Keith says he doesn't have to ask. Wait, now there are fake IDs on college campuses? I just...I blame the video games, I really do.

The next morning, Veronica heads into the kitchen to find Wallace and Piz staring back at her in the form of those immaculate fake IDs she made for them. Keith enters -- does he ever take that sheriff's uniform off? That's gotta be ripe by now -- and says that of the thirty-seven bars he had to write up last night, no fake ID he saw could hold a candle to hers. I'd like to think there's a little pride in his voice, but it's hard to peg Keith as anything but self-righteous and crusaderly this week. He asks her how she'd feel if Wallace and Piz had gotten drunk (gasp!) and stumbled into the street and in front of a car. Once again -- can't expect them to be responsible for themselves, oh no. They can only vote, smoke, live on their own, and go off to war at their age. Expecting them to be able to hold their liquor would be overkill. Whatever, I know this is all happening to show the kind of endemic corruption Keith has inherited from Lamb, and if anybody should have a bug up his ass about underage drinking it's the sheriff, but...come on. It's drinking on college campuses. The fight against jaywalking would be less hopeless.

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Veronica Mars

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