Veronica Mars
Un-American Graffiti

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C | 5 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Less You Know

After the commercials, Keith's got his deputies assembled at the station. He says that last night, he ordered another sweep of the bars. He names four deputies, including Gills, and tells them they're fired. Gills snaps, "You're firing us? You're the substitute teacher. I was hired by Don Lamb." Right, and since Lamb is currently using his remarkably well-defined torso to push up daisies right now, dropping that name will do you no good, dipshit. Gills threatens Keith that if he tries to "pull this stunt," they'll all walk. Keith points them towards the door. When nobody -- including Sacks, who's shifting his eyes around enough for it to count as his daily cardio -- walks out, Gills gasps that Keith "doesn't have the stones..." Before he can finish whatever idle threat was going to come next, Keith yells at him to turn in his badge and get the hell out. On the bright side, it's daytime, so Gills can go drown his sorrows at The Break without running into too many sloshed sophomores.

Will Hunting's house. Derrick Karr opens his front door to find Veronica with Amira's parents -- whose names are Rashad and Sabirah Krimani, but it's far too late for names now. Derrick's jaw is set, but Papamira says that he wanted to talk with him. Derrick goes to shut the door, but Veronica tells Derrick that he'll end up in jail otherwise. "So I end up in jail," he says. "My brother ends up in a wheelchair, and these foreigners are free to spit on America and all it stands for?" Papamira asks if Derrick even knows what America stands for, and...okay, I'm just going to start quoting, because that's the only way I'm going to get through this without yelling at people. "Saying you love America is easy," says Papamira. "It's easy until someone spray-paints 'terrorist' on your door. It's easy until you are handed a flier that mocks the sacrifice of your brother. We all came from somewhere else; we all are trying to make it. In America, whatever you stand for, you're supposed to get a fair shot. That is what your brother was fighting for. In case you wanted to know." "So turn me in, Ali-Baba," says Derrick, who I just realized would make a dandy teenaged version of Sawyer, between the mangy hair and penchant for racist nicknames and being a total dickhole and all. He slams the door shut. Veronica takes out her phone and assures the Krimanis that Derrick will be in jail within the hour. That's the Veronica I love. Papamira predictably tells her not to bother. "I suspect that our troubles with Mr. Karr are over." Um...why? Did Papamira come to this conclusion before or after the "Ali-Baba" crack? What possible indication...you know...no. Not going to get worked up about it. This episode was bad, this scene was the worst part of it, everybody seems to realize it, there's no need to go on and on. ...I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED 45 MINUTES ON A SHITTY MYSTERY ONLY TO BE SERVED THIS STEAMING PILE OF EMPTY LIBERAL PLATITUDES!

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Veronica Mars

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