Elsewhere, some Haley Scarnato-looking airhead is telling Dick how much she loves that quote he has on his MySpace. "What is it again?" she prompts. "'The Dude abides,'" Dick offers. "I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that." And I'm reminded that whatever my problems with the writing staff this week, we're always going to be cool, because someone there is a Lebowski fan. ScarNOTo gets all googly about it, but before she can press her flesh closer to Dick's skeevy awfulness, he spots an eight-foot-tall transsexual and heads off her way. And...it's not hard to figure out that this is Dick's second MySpace date, but I am not kidding when I say that this Amazon is packing more than just a friend request. Oh, Dick, haven't we been down this road before? Lucky for all involved, the tranny thing is only in my head and not at all a part of the story.
Logan clink-clinks on a glass and asks for everyone's attention. He makes another Super Sweet Sixteen joke that only Parker laughs at, and that's because she has to. Then he has a cake wheeled out, and Parker's all, "You remembered!" Remembered to buy a cake for a birthday party? Yeah, he's brilliant like that. There's a very Sears Portrait Studio image of Logan and Parker in the icing, and they're about as schmoopy as Logan will allow, and through all this, Veronica is miserable and trying to hide it.
Dick and his Amazonian friend are flirting, and she's offering him tickets to some sporting event or other because her dad owns half of the unspecified team. She even offers him a seat in her "private box," so you know she's speaking Dick's language. He excuses himself to catch up with date #2, but before he can step away, she shows up next to the Amazon. Dick looks busted, but ScarNOTo leans into the Amazon and says that Dick looks rather "yummy." The Amazon concurs, saying, "You just want to eat him up." Dick looks like he just found out that Santa Claus is real after all. And he's not averse to fulfilling your Penthouse fantasy.
Over by the cake, Veronica is wishing Parker a happy birthday and mother of God, speaking of Amazons, Parker just towers over Veronica. Not sure if Parker's especially tall or Veronica's especially short, but yikes. I'm guessing this is one lady Veronica won't be able to intimidate. Parker says she was worried things would be weird with them, but Veronica is a "class act." Veronica looks like she almost believes it herself when she says, "I'm happy for you guys." She starts to say that she's never seen Logan so happy, but that's maybe a little much all at once, so she turns to talk of cake instead. Then, because nobody in Logan's orbit is allowed a sweet moment for too long, Parker hands Veronica the piece of cake with Logan's face on it. Which means Parker's either stupid or diabolical, and I really don't think she's either, but come on: how do you not notice you handed her a face piece?