Veronica Mars
Versatile Toppings

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
What Are You Doing With That Pepperoni?

...and then a sheriff's car is pulling up. Sacks gets out of the car to find Arturo duct-taped to a street sign. Above him, there's an envelope marked "Confession Inside," and Sacks takes it down and opens it to find the tape. He smiles to himself, no doubt figuring that Veronica Mars is behind this windfall. Or perhaps he's just glad that he's not the one with duct tape on his lip.

Neptune High. Veronica finds Mac in the computer room and says she needs Mac's help to get into a restricted website. See, once you start taking on accused mass murderers as clients, you dispense with such social niceties as saying "hello." Mac's less fazed about the lack of manners and more about the fact that Veronica doesn't know the URL; Veronica describes it as a "Neptune High gay chat room." Mac hesitatingly asks, "Veronica, you're not..." Veronica says no, but that she's "curious," and I think the long break was as hard on Veronica as anyone else, because the girl who's usually so sharp with her words and witticisms has been so inattentive that she's managed, in this one episode, to imply that she slept with Dick while fantasizing about Madison. Anyway, Veronica and Mac get through that little bit of awkward, but there's another problem -- Mac did security for the site after some dickhead found it and posted a bunch of offensive stuff. Yay for ban functions and reg queues! Veronica tries to tell Mac that she's helping Ryan, but Mac asks why he didn't just let her on. Veronica grimaces: "Damn you and your valid questions." These two always have such cute scenes, seriously. Mac in the opening credits, please. Veronica begs Mac to let her on so that she can help the other kids, and Mac cutely says that Veronica's embarrassing her. Mac prints out a copy of some forum posts, but says that Veronica has to burn the page when she's done. If they're as detailed as some stuff I've seen on the internet, I think it's safe to say that's only the beginning of what she'll do to purge them from her memory.

Sometime later, Veronica is circling a username, "KISSNKUZN," when the gym/computer teacher/basketball coach who's now officially been in too many episodes to link to enters. Veronica asks him if she could ride with the team that night, since her car's in the shop, and she promised his "star point guard" she'd be there. The coach denies her request -- he wants his boys focused on homoerotic pre-game rituals that the presence of a woman would disrupt -- but Jackie, who's just entered, offers Veronica a ride: "I realize it's no bus filled with rowdy towel-snapping jocks, but it'll smell better." Veronica asks if she's got room for Veronica's giant foam finger, and Jackie says yes: "I can even drop you off around the block, if you're worried about being seen together." Veronica smilingly begs Jackie to protect her reputation, and Jackie returns the smile and leaves as Veronica notes that those jeans she's wearing would probably fit her real nice. Veronica goes back to her list, but Ryan catches her in the act, and the fact that she didn't have an innocent-looking folder or paper on hand with which to cover the incriminating evidence is further proof that the hiatus has put Veronica off her game something fierce. Ryan, however, says it's fine -- he just didn't want to let her onto the site himself, since he's let the users down enough. He must have provided them with some really substandard free content. Veronica tells him that the mugger had nothing to do with the blackmailing, so Ryan's losing the list can't have anything to do with it. She advances the idea that one of the posters is the blackmailer, and suggests it might have been a "Miz P," a guy who went on about the "outing of all outings," and then disappeared. Dude, if there's something as certain as death and taxes, it's this: Tom Cruise does not take chances. Ryan says that Ms. P's name was Peter Ferrer, and he was -- say it with me -- killed in the bus crash. So if my count is right, we now know seven of the eight people on the bus -- the five I mentioned here, Ryan's boy Marcos, and this Peter. Only one more chance to be proactive and find out the last victim, Veronica. Actually, it's not so much "being proactive" as "giving the slightest indication that you care," but after all this time I've figured out that you respond better to honey than vinegar. Ryan adds that there's been another blackmailing: the perp told the victim that he or she could come to Veronica for help, but that he wouldn't hold his breath if he were her. (Enough pronouns in that sentence?)

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Veronica Mars




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