Veronica Mars
Versatile Toppings

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
What Are You Doing With That Pepperoni?

Hannah checks the outgoing call logs on her home phone, and finds a number of calls to the River Stix and to the Fitzpatricks.

Cut to Hannah inspecting the medicine cabinet in what's presumably her dad's bathroom. She empties out a box of bandages and finds a bag of what looks like coke. Given that Logan was in that bathroom (presumably unnecessarily, since that enormous first floor had to have a bathroom of its own) and that he directed Hannah to look around the house, he pretty clearly planted the drugs, and he is one stone-cold douchebag. Jason Dohring may be a charismatic actor, but it is going to take some serious writing to bring Logan back to remotely sympathetic. (Need I say it? DON'T email me.)

Mars Investigations. Veronica tells Ryan that the "Rick Santorum" address was a fake, and that Kelly mailed his payment, but that it's been stuck at the post office for hours. She opens her laptop to find that the money has finally moved. Ryan says he recognizes the address as Veronica smiles...

...and at school, Veronica confronts Kylie at her locker, greeting her as "Blackmailer." Kylie breezes that she figured she'd be seeing Veronica, and hands over the tracking device. I can't stand this scene, so here's the short version: Kylie's mom works at the post office, so that's how she got her hands on the package. (Which: FIRED!) Kylie blackmailed Kelly to get money to get out of Neptune after graduation, and she picked him because he's a self-hater. She outed Marlena because Kylie's a "horrible crazy bitch," and she wanted the two of them to be out, even though Marlena wasn't ready, and she's going to tell Marlena herself that she was the blackmailer all along. This revelation makes no sense. It's probably an effort to get Kristin more lines. In no way do those last two sentences contradict each other. So, to sum up again, Kylie went to a preposterous amount of trouble to scar her girlfriend for life so that she could walk down the hall with her for a few months before taking some felonious money to get out of town and never see the girl whose life she ruined again. Also, Kristin cannot act her way out of a paper bag, and I might have dinged the episode grade solely on her relative lack of talent alone. Somewhere, Teddy Dunn is all, "You called me wooden, bitch? You didn't know from wooden, until now!" And he's absolutely right.

Logan catches Hannah in the hallway. She tells him he was right about her dad. He chases after her and takes her hand. He might as well have an electric buzzer in it. The "happy" "couple" passes Veronica, who asks Mac who Hannah is. When Mac mentions that Hannah's dad is a plastic surgeon, Veronica's head whips around so fast that Linda Blair is forced to acknowledge her superior flexibility.

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Veronica Mars

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