Veronica Mars
Versatile Toppings

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
What Are You Doing With That Pepperoni?

Speaking of, at school, Veronica happens upon a commotion in the hallway. A girl looks distraught that there's a rainbow-decorated folder, titled "Marlena's Out Box," attached to her locker. She tries to take it down, but Madison appears and takes one of the flyers contained therein. She reads aloud the flyer, which features a poem basically outing Marlena, and Madison notes that it even rhymes, "just like an Indigo Girls song." Madison chose a pretty crunchy reference there, so I'd just love to see the chicks from L7 show up to wipe the homophobia off her face. If that happened, I doubt we'd have to pretend she was dead. Marlena shakily denies writing the poem, so Madison says that it must have been "some other pep-squad lez who has her gym locker next to" Madison's. Well, I detect sarcasm, but that actually sounds pretty plausible. Veronica disgustedly walks away as Madison gloatingly reads more of the poem, which even has a line lusting after her. God, Veronica, what's with you? Passing up a chance to defend the socially outcast and take on your "nemesis"? You're off your game.

Down the hallway, Veronica runs into Ryan. He tells her that they have a problem. If your problem is that you're wearing an argyle sweater, Ryan, I think it's sadly safe to say that Veronica is not going to be the person to help you.

Ryan and Veronica have retired to an empty classroom, wherein he tells her that Corny was the fifth pizza boy to be mugged, and that Ryan himself was the fourth. Well, anyone who ordered pizza from those two with the expectation of it turning into a Patrick Dempsey movie would be sorely disappointed for different reasons, but that's still no cause for violence. Ryan informs Veronica that he had a list in his wallet of ten gay Neptune kids who all used a website he set up -- the "Pirates S.H.I.P.," for "Student Homosexual Internet Posting." In the interests of being thematic, I can only imagine they had discussions about going below decks and preparing to be boarded. Veronica asks why a mugger would want to out Marlena, and Ryan says that she didn't cough up the five grand the blackmailer demanded from her. Veronica sighs, "Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?" Well, we have a limited number of staff positions available here, hon. Ryan offers her a hundred bucks from each of the kids on the list, and begs her to find out the identity of the blackmailer. Veronica considers whether she has anything better to do as we go to opening credits.

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Veronica Mars

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