Veronica Mars
Weapons Of Class Destruction

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 12 USERS: A+
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Go Home, You're Not An Improvement

Veronica enters the house to find Keith putting stuff into the refrigerator. Veronica tries to bust him for spying, for which there is precedent, but Keith, with a shit-eating grin, tells her they need to talk. Keith starts to tell Veronica that her mom has been gone for over a year now. Veronica looks upset, her fantasy of her mom returning from Barstow on an alcohol-free sunbeam collapsing before her eyes. Or something. Keith says he wanted to wait until he was sure he had feelings for the person, but he and "Alicia" agreed that it was time. Veronica in a series of quick close-ups that make her look like the cutest, tiniest beached whale, chokes out, "Wallace's MOM?" Cut to Wallace practically spitting toothpaste everywhere with a "WHAT?" His mom, whom I'm going to call Alicia and not Coco, but only because I like her, smiles and is all, "From your reaction, I'd say you heard me just fine!" Hee. Cut back to Veronica gaping and goggling some more, but before she starts to turn blue, we head into the opening credits.

Neptune High. Wallace and Veronica sit outside together. Un! Comfortable! Veronica tries to crack wise that if their parents get hitched, they can have bunk beds and stay up all night talking. I assume you'll want the top bunk, Veronica, so Deputy Leo's view isn't blocked. Just keep it down, for your stepbrother's sake. Wallace isn't so much about the jokes, and leaves. Oh, kids. You need to get over your issues here -- some people are going to have it a lot tougher when dealing with this newfound relationship. I mean, you won't know awkward until you see Alicia trying to make small talk with the gals in the typing pool at Kane Software. Veronica looks down to see graffiti on the table that reads "KillemAll.net." I won't tell you where that address redirects to, but only because it's in my contract. Oh, whoops. Also, are we to assume that "KillemAll.com" was taken? Not that that's a surprise, but still.

Duncan cheerily enters a full classroom and exchanges a smile with Veronica. VMVO wonders how she can tell if the "super-cute" boy in her class killed his sister. I'm just going to write a few more recaps, but everyone has his own approach, I guess. Logan also smiles at Veronica. Her hair spontaneously grows several inches. Joey Lauren Adams pops up, calls the class "buckaroos," and starts talking about the Navigator. Let me just say that I don't remember disliking Joey Lauren Adams in the past, but she's putting on this really affected Jennifer Tilly-esque baby girl voice that I have less than no patience for, so she's going to get as little attention as possible from me here. Joey tells the class that they're short on articles. Duncan suggests a piece on how "OxyCon [is] replacing Ecstasy as the drug of choice for high school students." Veronica looks impressed. You'd think, given his medical history, she might find some discomfort in Duncan's awareness of pharmacological trends, but as student-body president, maybe it's his job to know these things. Joey nixes that idea and suggests a story on a woman who's been teaching French at Neptune for forty years, making it clear that the type of piece she's looking for is of the Magic Dragon variety. Logan: "A loving tribute to a sadistic crone." Boy, if you male that up, I've got an epitaph for my headstone right there. ["Duly noted." -- Sars] Veronica gazes adoringly at Logan, and I suppose I'm going to have to tackle this sooner or later: I think the reason that Veronica forgiving specifically Logan for his behavior since Lilly's death rings true is precisely because the last time she felt good, and safe, in her life was when Lilly was alive. And who did she spend the most amount of time with then, besides Lilly? Duncan and Logan. Whether you agree with her motivations, I think it's perfectly consistent that she affords the two of them special consideration while she'd happily see the rest of the 09ers flattened by a particularly large asteroid. Anyway, that's all I have to say on the subject. For now. The bell rings, and Duncan overacts as he complains about all the fire drills they've been having. Logan impresses Veronica again with his snark. Do you mind? I'm typing here! He does a cheerleading impression as the class files out. Bring it on, Logan! "It" being "the gay," that is.

In the hallway, Joey turns Veronica on to doing a story on the fire drills, and says she'll find a way to make it interesting. She's seen the show before, then. Duncan catches Veronica and notes that Joey isn't exactly Miss Dent, and Veronica agrees, saying that Joey was overly peppy as her pep squad adviser. "Why, oh why, did Miss Dent let herself get knocked up?" I don't know. Did she hang out with Mr. Rooks?

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Veronica Mars

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