Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 864 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The Gang's All Here!

Veronica gets up on stage, gives it up for The Unwashed, and then tells everyone that her friend had everything stolen from the parking lot of "Bennis Hall"; she offers a hundred-dollar reward for any useful information. Veronica's arms, by the way, indicate that she bought out every temp tattoo place in a ten-mile radius. And if you've ever been to a coastal California town, you'll know that that would cost a pretty penny. ["Yeah? I thought she was in one of those sheer tattoo-sleeve shirts, though I don't know which of those two options would make Veronica more of a poser." -- Wing Chun]

Later, Veronica and Mac are hanging at a table as Mac wistfully watches Parker: "Look at her. She's like boynip." Heh. Three teenagers approach and tell Veronica that they saw who stole the stuff; they were there checking out the college girls lying out: "Some of them go topless." Say goodnight to Wallace and Piz's GPAs. The younger, dorkier-looking of the two speaking kids tells them in a Casey Affleck-in-Good Will Hunting accent that two black guys were throwing stuff, in a hurry, from a car into a white moving van with no windows. Veronica tells them that's jack, so no reward: "Motor, munchkins." Heh. They turn to go, but mini-Casey turns back and tells them that the blonde girl actually wasn't fat: "When she hopped in, she pulled off her sweatshirt. She had a slammin' bod. Girl was packed tight -- like she was wearin' a fat suit." Veronica's answering facial expression can be found in the dictionary under "..."

Mac wakes up to hear someone at the door libidinously asking for Parker. Recognizing the voice, Mac hesitates, and then opens the door to see Dick. They probably are aware that neither of them has the power to turn the other into stone with their gazes, but that's sure not stopping them from trying. Mac says that Parker's out with The Unwashed, and tries to close the door with a snide comment, but Dick pipes up, "My little brother never cared about you, you know? You were just his beard." I'm not going back into that discussion, so I'll just say yikes. I feel bad for Mac, but even worse for Jacob. Before we can see exactly how may shards Mac's face shatters into, an Asian woman -- probably an RA -- emerges in her bathrobe and forcefully tells Dick that he's not supposed to be there. Dick ostentatiously makes a speech about being a dumb freshman. You'll notice that no one rushes to demur. We also seem to learn that the dorms aren't quite as segregated as it seemed from the earlier comment: each floor is all-male or all-female, but the buildings as a whole are coed. Mac sadly watches Dick go.

Veronica Mars

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