Cut to Weevil answering the phone at Mars Investigations. Heh. After some phone-related hijinx not worth transcribing, Keith gives Weevil an assignment regarding a security guard at a shoe warehouse suspected of embezzlement. Weevil accepts the stakeout.
Veronica is wearing a field-hockey uniform and limping her way inside the stadium as VMVO tells us that Judge Football ("Kurt" is his thankfully short real name) told her that the playbooks are printed out on athletic department stationery with ID numbers that change from week to week, so replicating the lost book is a bit more of a production than she thought. We cut to her infiltrating the office of a "Dwight Fry," who's the guy who was torturing the player in the opening shot. Even though I thought he was supposed to be the coach, and Veronica in fact refers to him as such later in the episode, his office doorplate bills him as "Defensive Coordinator." Okay. She quickly finds the correct file on the computer, but soon VMVO is complaining, "World's slowest printer." On the bright side, Veronica, should you fail in your mission, you'll know what to suggest the department spend Kurt's scholarship money on. Also, it looks like the team is named the "Rough Riders," which would be unfortunate enough in a season where rape wasn't a prominent theme. Anyway, Veronica sees someone coming, so she's forced to duck under the desk. The coach enters with one of his players, and it will simplify things if I just tell you right now that this is the aforementioned Pop. Pop tells the coach that "Sonoma" made him a scholarship offer. Fry starts to protest, but just then, the printer finishes processing the job and starts up. Fry gets way more bent out of shape about this than seems warranted, and soon discovers Veronica under the desk. Veronica jumps out, squealing in "embarrassment" while blatantly kicking out the printer plug, and explains that her sorority told her she had to break in and steal a jock -- "The little underwear, not, like, kidnap an athlete!" She asks to borrow one for an hour or two. Fry just stares at her, no doubt realizing that if this is a Sixteen Candles rip-off, that makes him the Molly Ringwald. Which is enough to cause anyone some serious chagrin.
Veronica's back in Ed's office, and the man in question informs Veronica she now has "the most colorful disciplinary file in the freshman class." Ed, your hyperbole might be more effective if we all didn't know Dick. They spend a little time discussing whether Veronica will give up her source, which doesn't really progress beyond the level of "Will not." "Will so!" It's no wonder that Whig-Clio gave Hearst a pass. This fascinating argument could go on for hours, but just then, Nish, Fern ("Sunshine" from last week) and some other equally humorous girl bust in, trailed by two guys both dorky and smug whom Fern labels "Lampoon jackasses." And here I thought I gave up watching Studio 60. Anyway, Nish asks if Ed is going to stop the "idiots" from publishing their "misogynistic rag." Veronica gets up to go, but one of the idiots shows Veronica a copy of his rag and asks if it upsets her. It's a parody of the photo we saw earlier, but with shirtless guys instead of girls, in front of a banner that says, "No thanks, except maybe the blonde in the middle." Yes, in the middle of the guys is a blonde girl who was in the original photo, whose name is "Claire," and just so happens to be the third girl in the office. Nish tells Claire that the guys want to rape her, and that's hate speech. Ed informs them that while the magazine in question may be tasteless and not funny, it's covered under the university's free speech policy. And firmly defending the right to free speech in the same breath he told Veronica he'd expel her for protecting a source is the sort of hypocrisy I've come to expect and hate from old Ed's characters here. Anyway, Ed has more important fish to fry -- someone sprayed graffiti on his car and bashed it with a bat. Fern denies responsibility, and one of the idiots pipes up, "Where would militant feminists get a hold of a softball bat?" Okay, heh. The argument quickly devolves into shouting, and Veronica makes a graceful, if belated, exit.