Veronica Mars
You Think You Know Somebody

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
He's As Cold As Ice!

Mars Investigations. Wallace asks if Veronica really thinks she's going to find Icetwin's car over the internet, and skeptically calls her "Velma" and asks what she can find on him. Veronica: "It's Daphne, thank you very much." Hee. Veronica announces that Wallace got his license suspended a year earlier, and then asks, if she's Daphne, whether that makes Wallace Fred. Honey, wearing the same white sweater and ascot for a year straight wouldn't make Wallace Fred. Wallace agrees, saying he's Shaggy, because Shaggy's got "flava." Personally, I don't think we should shoehorn Wallace into the Scooby universe when there are so many other cartoon characters to whom he bears greater resemblance. Like Jabberjaw, for instance. Veronica coos that Wallace still has a subscription to Mad magazine. Hee. Wallace, you'll never win this game of Spy vs. Spy. It don't matter if you're black or white. Keith enters, prompting Veronica to stage-whisper to Wallace that she's thinking of taking Keith rock-climbing for his birthday. Keith chimes in that he's not so much into that, but that he appreciates the thought. They banter about manicotti and sky-diving. From a very healthy distance, I'm happy to report.

Chez Mars. Oh, no! Backup's been recast! But I'm sure the original Backup had important work to do. On Uranus. (Believe it or not, another staff member asked me why there was such a paucity of Uranus jokes in the recaps before this one. We set the bar high here at TWoP.) Veronica picks up a message for Keith, which consists of a woman babbling until she realizes that she called Keith's home instead of his cell. Dialling the number from the display, she gets Back, Show Killer!'s voicemail. And you all must know what we would have said if BSK had answered the phone. Whisper along with me: "Awkward." VMVO tells us that she's not good at predicting when change is coming in her life: "Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face." Everyone's felt that way at one point or another. But Change really seems to get the brass knuckles out for Veronica.

Cut to Luke in intense physical agony. Some other dude is standing over him making predictably unfunny comments about "pushing through the pain" as we see that Luke is trying to keep a bench-press bar from crushing his chest. I hate to point this out, but a fairly well-built high-school baseball player who presumably works out a lot wouldn't have too much trouble keeping 135 pounds off him, which is what he's lifting there. Also, the best way I can describe his tormentor here is "bitter runner-up in auditions to play Chuck Norris's stunt double on Walker Texas Ranger," so I'm not sure Luke should be particularly scared of anything in this scene. Walker-up asks where his package is, and when Luke tells him it's in a friend's car, he says he'd better have it by 9 the next morning, or he'll get a baseball bat shoved up his ass. (Hey, sometimes you just think, "Metaphor, schmetaphor. I'm telling it old-school.") Walker-up lifts the bar back onto the rest. Thanks for the spot, dude.

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Veronica Mars

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