Star Trek
Voyager: “Threshold”

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 5 USERS: C
The One With The Salamander Sex
Paris explains that they're attempting to break the warp threshold because they discovered a new kind of dilithium that is more stable at a higher warp frequency. Kim says that whenever they try to cross the threshold, the nacelles get torn off the ship. Neelix recalls a time when he lost a warp nacelle on his way through a dark matter nebula. Dismissively, Paris shakes off the overgrown mohawk of a chef. Wait for it. Neelix explains something about a dark matter bow wave and how so much pressure built up that the nacelle was torn from its housing. He suggests that the same thing is happening to them. Kim doesn't think so, but Paris looks contemplative. Suddenly, Paris postulates that the NACELLES aren't being torn from the SHIP, but the SHIP is being torn from the NACELLES. See, this is why I'm not a science person, because to me? That was all potato, potahto. Meanwhile, it sounds like Neelix cooked up something good for once, and Kim gets his freak on about depolarizing alloys of the titanium hull. Trek is always about depolarizing shit. Whatever, peeps -- just get me to the salamander sex! Not that I want salamander sex, mind you; I've just heard so much about it that I'm going to be a bit nervy until I see it. After calling Neelix a genius, Kim and Paris rush off to do something about a Keanu-less matrix, leaving the chef and morale officer a bit out of a breath. "I...have no idea what they just said," Neelix grins, and grabs at a cookie from the plate Torres was bringing out. Has she been putting those biscuits on that plate this whole time? Man, no wonder she couldn't hack the Academy. Going in for another threshold test in the holodeck, Paris makes warp ten. We pull back to see that all the senior officers are watching a recording of this attempt in the briefing room. Chakotay and Janeway look excited; Kim, Paris, and Torres, proud. Janeway congratulates them, which prompts their request to put out for a manned flight. They want to push the sh'pod to warp ten, and then drop out of warp and come about. After that, they plan to analyze the logs. Chakotay thinks it's a frightening notion. Dude, your disembodied, invisible consciousness traveled around the ship in order to beat up Tuvok while your body was lying in Sickbay BRAIN DEAD and you find this frightening? Singular. Janeway says something about not being able to put the genie back in the bottle, and announces that she's confident in the team's efforts and research. I think they wrote this episode specifically so that Kate Mulgrew could say "threshold" as much as possible. She completely draws it out: "Thresssshhhhhhhhhold." Ironic that The. Worst. Episode. Of. Voyager. Ever. also bore the name of Braga's failed 2005 series. In the way that "ironic" means "prescient." Janeway gives Team Threshold the go-ahead, and tells Paris that if the manned flight is successful, he'll be joining an elite group of pilots, "Orville Wright [what about Wilbur -- WHY do people ALWAYS forget about Wilbur? I'm going to start a "Remember Wilbur" campaign. It's unfair otherwise], Neil Armstrong, Zephram Cochrane, Tom Paris." Of course Paris likes the sound of that just as much as he liked the sound of being a member of an elite group of pilots who formed a Kolvoord Starburst and ending up killing one of their squadron. Oh, my god -- my email box is already filling up. Yes, I KNOW that wasn't actually Paris. I KNOW it was just Robert Duncan McNeill in another role. It was a joke, people, a JOKE!

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