Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | 5 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Paris. In a bathrobe. Reclines. Ew. Janeway rings and comes in, and Paris bustles to his feet. "At ease, Mr. Paris," she tells him. Yeah, but not too at ease, okay? We don't need to be seeing Paris's Eiffel Tower. Janeway sits, and Paris gets wind that this visit isn't just a social call. Janeway tells him that the Doctor detected a slight enzymatic imbalance in Paris's cerebellum, and therefore Kim will be the one to pilot the test flight. Because he doesn't understand what the big medical whoop is, Janeway elaborates for Paris: "[The Doctor] can't predict what will happen when you cross the thresssshhhhold. He believes there's a small chance you could suffer a brain hemorrhage under the subspace stress." So, the possibility of Paris's brain hemorrhage is like Gary Sinise's measles in Apollo 13? It's only a 2% chance, so Paris sort of wigs a bit and gets all five-year-old-at-a-birthday-party about how this is his flight and he's going to take it into a corner and play with it. Alone. Janeway doesn't get it. Paris tries to explain, "When I was a boy, my father used to tell me I was special." Yeah, but dude? He meant in the short-bus definition of the word. Paris adds that all the teachers and kids at school went around saying, "Tom Paris is going to do something important when he grows up." What school was this? P.S. Tom Paris? I'm being completely serious. What school had their kids running around predicting the future success of one of their classmates? If they're worried about the future success of anyone, it's more about who is not going to fall off the holographic monkey bars or get mauled upside the head by a hovering tetherball that day. Janeway makes some attempts at schooling this little brat in the practice of not being so vain that you become colossally stupid but, it being Paris, she gets exactly nowhere. Finally, Janeway gives in to Paris's pathetic pleadings that this is the first time in ten years that he feels like he has a life to do anything with. Yep -- when all else fails, dredge up the "I was in prison, so I should get all these great chances" sob story. Paris will pilot the historic flight. The sh'pod Cochrane leaves Voyager, and Paris reports on his progress. The Bridge loses contact when the sh'pod hits nine-point-nine. After Paris's transmission fuzzes, Tuvok switches to long-range sensors. Tuvok announces that Paris is approaching the threshold. Jouncing in his seat, Paris shouts that his engine output is at maximum. The sh'pod leaps, and Paris gasps that he's at warp ten. "Yessss!" Kim grins on Voyager. Just as Paris reports that everything is stable, his transmission goes all funny and metallically hollow, and they lose contact with him. None of the ship's sensors can find him. Janeway looks stern.