Wasteland
Double Date

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Wendola: D | Grade It Now!
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Double Date

Meanwhile, Dawnie and Antonio raise their champagne glasses for a toast. I suppose it's "long live boxer briefs!" Clink.

Sam reaches in the bag of Chinese takeout. "They forgot the sodas," she said, "but they gave us beer instead." What? Excuse me, but I ordered that beer! To help me through this episode. She and Vince decide to drink it. No fair.

At Callbacks, Jewels and Vandy throw their heads back and laugh The Laugh Of Developing Mutual Attraction.

Also in the bag of Chinese takeout are fortune cookies. Vince's fortune says, "Romance awaits." Sam's fortune says, "Romance awaits." Wendola's fortune says, "You will get the point already."

Antonio takes Dawnie for a carriage ride in the park. "Oh, how sweet," says Dawnie. "Mmm-hmm," says Antonio, as he tucks a shawl around her, though oddly the captions translate that to "this will keep you warm."

"I think dating's about sex," says Felicia Frinkle, who lasciviously shoves an entire prawn in her mouth and leers at Ty. At this point, I just black out for a while.

When I come to, Felicia Frinkle is hanging all over Justin, calling him a "young Robert Redford," though he's clearly a "scrawny James Spader."

More Vince and Sam. They look in The Big Bottomless Bag Of Magical Chinese Takeout and find Broadway tickets, a key to a bed-and-breakfast, and a little bitty violin player in a tuxedo . . .

Justin tells Felicia Frinkle, "I'm a method actor." Felicia tells him he has beautiful eyes. Justin tells Felicia she has beautiful eyes. Waukachicka-waukachicka-waukachicka. Well, practically.

Meanwhile, Jesse and Ken's date goes badly. Big, big whatever.

Meanwhile, Russell asks to speak to Justin the Waiter in private.

Meanwhile Dawnie dances with Antonio, Antonio, Antonio!

Russell and Justin bitch at each other. Ty and Felicia bitch at each other. "You're gay? Hutch on Hampton Shores is gay?" says Justin.

Jesse and Ken sulk.

Everybody sulks. Everybody bitches. Everybody's date crashes and burns in a big huge fireball that falls off a precipice and bounces down a cliff and bursts into an even bigger fireball. Except, I guess for Vandy and Jewels, who weren't officially on a date, and Sam and Vince, who weren't either. And Dawnie and Antonio, because it's you know, Antonio.

At Lonelyhearts Loft, Jesse is packing up her files for the High Hopes account and getting ready to throw them out when there's a knock on the door. It's Coffee Boy. "So I see you got my message," says Jesse. The message must have been "please come over dressed like a Cold War spy," because Coffee Boy is wearing a black turtleneck and black trenchcoat, and he has this look like "nobody knows I have the plutonium under my coat." "Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it," says Jesse, "because I'm sick of playing games, and I'm sick of waiting around for you to do something, and I'm sick of café latté, and I'm sick of acting demure and coy and subtle, and I guess I need to know what's going on with us? And why do we keep going to coffee? And am I insane?" "Wow, would you -- shut up?" says Coffee Boy. Wow, I psychically telegraphed a message to a Wasteland character! But then he says, "I'm here, aren't I? Does that answer your question?" Uh, Coffee Boy? She asked if she was insane. At any rate, they start kissing and get on Jesse's couch. Coffee Boy keeps his coat on. Watch out for that plutonium.

Sam and Vince finish their work. Vince apologizes for talking so much about his divorce (that must have been sometime during my blackout). "It's hard being alone," he says, and breaks down a little, which means either that Vince is showing his soft mushy side, or else that he's giving the universal signal for "please sleep with me as soon as possible." Sam decides to walk home by herself.

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