Wasteland
Empty Pockets

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Wendola: D | Grade It Now!
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Empty Pockets

In yet another part of the loft (which, by the way, is as dark as a German submarine), Russell and Ty talk some more about how Russell is gay. This is in case anyone's forgotten that Russell is gay. The conversation goes something like this: "I'm gay," says Russell. "Wow, I never suspected that you were gay," says Ty. "I first found out I was gay in college," says Russell. "So why didn't you tell me you were gay?" says Ty. "I don't know," says Russell. "But one thing I do know is that I'm gay. I'm gay, Ty." I think Russell might be gay or something.

The buzzer rings again, and Russell goes to answer it. It's Agent Ben, who, wearing a black jacket, black trousers, and a black shirt open halfway down the chest, is apparently observing Yom Kippur by dressing like David Copperfield. "Where's Jesse?" he asks. She's still off listening to Dawnie whine. "Why isn't anybody on my side?" Dawnie snivels, while Jesse stands around wondering how much Yom Kippur fasting it would take for her to just pass out. But she manages to convince Dawnie to stay for Game Night in spite of Ty.

A moment later, all the Wastelanders (and Agent Ben) are gathered in the living room, while Dawnie stands up and announces, "For tonight's game night, we're going to get a little personal." Uh-oh. "As part of my very, very important -- and extremely due -- Human Behavior thesis chapter, tonight's game will be an exercise in self-discovery." Since this is Dawnie, nobody even thinks for a moment that "self-discovery" might mean "getting naked." Instead, the game is some lame "Charades" variation of her pocket project. "One's pocket items can be a window into one's soul," says Dawnie. The window must be soundproof, because my soul is screaming, "Shut up, Dawnie!" to no avail whatsoever.

Ty offers to play first, and Dawnie ignores him and picks Sam. In about two guesses they all figure out Sam has a subway token, and Dawnie yells at Ty for just blurting out guesses. Then Vandy's up and everyone exchanges "what the hell" looks over Dawnie's cheesy over-analysis of Vandy's guitar pick as a "sacred charm," but still they don't say, "Shut up, Dawnie!" The game goes on, and Dawnie never lets Ty take a turn, and annoying-as-hell music plays on the soundtrack, and just when it all begins to look like an-almost-sort-of-fun-in-a-sad-pathetic-way party game, Dawnie begins screaming at everyone to ask "serious" questions. Then Ty guesses that Dawnie's pocket item is a mint, but she insists it's candy, and finally Ty asks Dawnie, "What does this have to do with your thesis?" while I weep with happiness and relief. Dawnie tosses her comb-able mane and says, "Well, the answer, Ty, is that my assignment has to do with personal identification, and that a mint or a candy can actually reveal a great deal about one's inner self and can actually be directly related to a much larger theme, such as . . . deception! Or betrayal! But if that's too confusing for you, you can just feel free to excuse yourself," and Ty's gets a look like "I get it already," and Russell says, "Uh, let's take a break," and the little children of every nation gather all together in a meadow somewhere, and they join hands and sing a heartfelt chorus of Shut Up, Dawnie.

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