We Are Family

Episode Report Card
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To the Victor Go the Spuds

On the 27th day of Survivor, Mark Burnett gave to me: 27 lumps of elephant dung; 26 migraine headaches; 25 leaping lions; 24 Lex Loser "gut" mentions; 23 plotting faces; 22 "like"s and "you know"s; 21 abandoned bomas; 20 mindless challenges; 19 piggy-backing monkeys; 18 gratuitous skin shots; 17 swarming insects; 16 surly cameramen; 15 cups of cow blood; 14 dancing Tom shots; 13 plugs for Verizon; 12 goats a-running; 11 flaming arrows; 10 Tribal Councils; 9 clumps of cornmeal; 8 ethnic slurs; 7 players playing; 6 bouts of diarrhea; 5 awful clues! Four Boran allies; 3 Samburus; 2 jury members; and Just Peachy beneath an acacia tree!

Ahem. Season's Greetings!

Last week on Survivor: Tom had a "massive boil," and Ethan had never before seen one that big. Brandon paid the price for his prior week's Samburu betrayal; now seven remain.

We open the show on Night 27 with shots of a starry sky and one of the aforementioned leaping lions. Kimp reminds us that Brandon was voted off during the last Tribal Council. She says that although they had been "pals" since their early Samburu days, she felt betrayed and could no longer trust him. Even though she knows the vote was part of the game, it "still tugged at [her] heart a little bit." Kimp looks more and more Elisabethan these days. (As in "like Elisabeth.") Lex Loser tells us in a confessional that his alliance with Tom, Ethan, and Kimj is now at an advantage because they have claimed the majority vote. He also says that the other members of Boran knew he wouldn't vote against Brandon. Night-vision shots of various Mofo Maji members reveal nothing of interest whatsoever. Then Lex Loser and Kimj whisper about being "solid" and agree that they are "100%." Ethan tells us that Lex Loser's vote "redefined" and "pushed the limits" of their alliance. He says Lex Loser gave his word to the Boran alliance as well as to Brandon and concludes that Lex Loser "kinda went out on his own and covered his own ass." Ethan then wonders to Kimj, "Why was his word just as strong with Brandon as it was with us?" Kimj agrees with Ethan instead of attempting to answer his question because that's what she does and that's what's gotten her so far in the game. In a confessional, she tells us that as much as the male Boran members proclaim their intention to go into the finals as a threesome, she believes that they're all skeptical of each other. In a "crunch time," she believes they will turn on each other, and someone will be voted off. As opposed, of course, to Mark Burnett changing the rules and letting the game end in a three-way tie.

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