Silas finds Doug checking out his outrageously, cartoonishly fake tan in the mirror, and is then subjected to quite the speech about how George Hamilton is the key to life. Apparently Bubbeh or that awful father of theirs left a G-Ham autobiography in a john somewhere in the house, and Doug has discovered within it all the answers. Man, I have been on this Earth for a long time and I just looked him up on the internet and I still don't know jack about that guy. He has a fake tan and he's not that cute and he is or was a sleazeball, and for this he is remembered. Feh. So Doug's just totally in gay love with the idea of George Hamilton and wants to be like him, and for that he needs "the deep, dark, savage tan."

Doug agrees that CP is an issue, because nobody wants to buy in front of the "bacon" and that it skeezes people out, like midgets. Full-on orange mahogany, Doug says this. So when he hears about the gun, Doug decides that CP is a douche -- wearing a cravat and smoking out of a tobacco-type pipe, Doug says this -- and says that they have to "fight the power" and ask themselves WWGHD. Because the man slept with his stepmother, at age twelve, and thus can do anything.

Which is a thing I knew he said but forgot I knew he said, because who needs to know shit like that. LA, Hollywood, is like, what if you were teaching a fifth-grade class and one sunny Tuesday a student walked in carrying her arm in her mouth, bleeding, like this, between her teeth. And then instead of freaking the fuck out and getting her to a doctor, you and your students all started collectively thinking, "What would I look like with my severed arm in my mouth?"

Or up your ass. Or if you just left it at home, because who needs all that dead arm weight dragging you down all day. Anyway, Shane's Miss Pettigrew moment goes completely south at this point, as a lesson in random acts of senseless harassment -- toward a man at the golfing range who may or may not deserve it -- becomes abuse, becomes a whalloping shit-knocker of a throwdown, as he flips off the casually offensive Shane and Ignacio and earns a golf club to the face, nads and throat for his troubles. Shane finally realizes that Ignacio is a wild animal and scary as hell. I guess this is the first time they've hung out during the day.