Weeds

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Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
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A Pool And His Money

Previously, Weeds was really hard to recap for you because lots of stuff went on, but nothing really happened. Celia drowned all the pot, putting both Conrad and Nancy in danger. Shane was left alone to drive Kat's van after she split, while Abumchuk ditched Andy. Silas was in jail, Dean and Doug were high as hell at Shane's graduation party, the Armenians opted out of negotiations, and Sanjay was still in the closet.

Angelique Kidjo gets ticky-tacky with it this week; it's festive. Less so: the atmosphere around the Botwin swimming pool. Nancy and U-Turn's man Marvin the Deep-Dicking Psychic stare at the implacable Celia, who orders Nancy to thank her for not calling the cops about the pot before asking Marvin if he's "one of Nancy's drug dealer friends." Marvin's not interested in being associated with the drug trade, but before he can weave his web of lies, Nancy starts screaming at him to kill Celia before he kills her, so she can watch Celia die. Celia drunkenly stutters at her. Nancy picks up this huge fucking rock to club Celia over the head, and Marvin restrains her, protesting that he's a bag boy from the grocery store. "Oh, bullshit. Like there is an obese black bag boy at any market in a thirty-mile range of here. In Agrestic, the people are white and the help is brown, not black." Marvin's taken aback and finally figures out that Celia is "nasty."

Nancy swings the pool skimmer at Celia's head and throws her out of the yard, then gets to skimming. Celia can admit that Nancy's on the edge, being a drug dealer that's just been caught, but tells her to chill. She takes off, suggesting her pool guy drunkenly, and caressing Marvin's tummy as she goes. Nancy starts skimming the pool, assuring Marvin that Celia won't tell about this because she loves having the upper hand, and screaming at him to help. It's like Hunter Thompson doing Sisyphus, this.

U-Turn is totally thugged out right now. He screams at Nancy and Marvin on the phone, fires his gun all around, takes a moment for deep breathing exercises, and then teases Conrad with the gun. Conrad's above it, of course, so then U-Turn starts in with the Nancy/Conrad shipping, which Conrad is slightly less than stone-faced about. U-Turn threatens him about the "hummus-eating motherfuckers," and Conrad doesn't care: he points out that Nancy and Marvin are bringing the pot, and then it will be over. Having hit a wall, U-Turn comes back to Nancy, graphically simulating sex with her all threatening-like. I think this might have driven Conrad nuts -- it certainly bothered the shit out of me -- but right then, Sanjay makes a noise and U-Turn goes to investigate. Conrad sneaks the gun out of the microwave from the whole standoff with Peter the Prick, and U-Turn finds Sanjay. Who comes out of the figurative closet but stays in the literal one for a sec.

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