Boyfriend long forgotten, Latrice won't stop banging on the bathroom door. Nancy gets her in a headlock, while outside the room the social services people are still trying to figure out why Andy peed on a baby. Silas shows up and curses the lady out with his mad ASL skillz, so they split. Well, it was a nice cliffhanger nonetheless.
Nancy heads off to make the eponymous exchange, Stevie for Shane, but instead of Stevie -- a baby -- she brings weaponry -- that crossbow they're always treating like a baby -- and shoots Cesar in the thigh. That part was awesome, as was the part where he tried to kill her with a skee-ball. She calls Cesar's wife, thinking that maybe her Lady Curse isn't in effect today, but of course Cesar's wife tells him to kill Nancy and come home for dinner, because women are the enemy.
Also men. Esteban refuses to talk to Nancy altogether, which it turns out bothers her almost as much as the various abductions of her kids, because he didn't even have the courtesy of asking to be released. He just released himself, and sent thugs.
Ignacio takes Shane and Doug to a Hungry Kuntry Buffet, where the latest in a parade of crazy-looking guest stars is also serving Silas, Andy and Stevie on the other side of the restaurant. Ignacio and Shane have a sort of silly competition to see who can eat the grossest things, because Shane's been looking for Ignacio's Pilar-approval the entire time, while Doug just zones out on how hungry he is.
The best part of all this is when Ignacio asks if Shane ever sees Pilar's face and Shane says, "Only when I jerk off." For some reason that was the most amazing part? Also, Nealon does a pretty good job with Doug's epiphany where he decides not to escape, because it would be abandoning Shane or whatever, considering what a fucking cartoon Doug is. Finally, Andy tries to start shit, but of course that pusses out immediately so then they are all hostages together.
Nancy shows up with Cesar's gun and there's a short standoff with Ignacio which only ends once Shane takes the gun from Nancy, impressing Ignacio with his very clear capability of shooting a man in a crowded restaurant without blinking. So apparently Shane's crazy is a resource now, of which I sort of approve. As Silas suggests, perhaps he will become one of those serial killers that only kills serial killers, serially.
Ignacio takes off in Kimmie's car after a heartfelt goodbye to his son-in-psychosis Shane, and Nancy packs up her boys -- plus fucking Doug -- and leaves town in Cesar's towncar, with a sad final voicemail for Esteban that in no way seems like an actual final voicemail for Esteban but is sad nonetheless.
Deaf CPS lady would like to know, naked Randy Newman, whose baby he is holding. And more interestingly, "Why did you pee on it?" Randy assures her their pee only intersected; that the pee did not actually get on the baby. "Most of the pee" he clarifies, "Did not get on the baby." Randy swears to the many people at the door that, despite Nathalie's stray crossbow bolt, still twing-twinging in the closet door, they're totally capable of a nurturing and infant-friendly environment. This last punctuated by -- zip! -- the jeans he's now put on.
Park Mommy Rebekah's confused when Randy says baby Avi is his son's kid, so he corrects himself: "Stepson, he is." As Randy's mouth continues to run, he realizes that he's getting himself into trouble and calls out for Nathalie. Where is she?
Locked in the bathroom next door, Latrice bashing the door in, having a nice little deadpan chat with Cesar on Shane's phone. "Bring his son. I bring your son. Then we trade. A shoe for a shoe." Cesar hangs up and, still distraught, Nathalie grabs Latrice in a headlock -- torn earlobe pressed against Nathalie's angled collarbone -- and pulls her into the bathroom. "You're too loud," she explains lightly.
You never know which Nancy you're going to get: Nancy or Lacey or Nathalie; Price or Botwin or Reyes. It's a part of her pathology, is all that really comes down to, it's how she keeps them coming. They fall in love with Daredevil Girl, you have to stay a daredevil. Sometimes behind the door, it's a lady; sometimes it's a tiger. And if that means she'll never really be known, which in turn means she'll never be loved truly, well, she was never expecting that anyway. There's only one man in the world that loved rollercoasters as much as she did.
Out in the parking lot, completely unaware of any of this, Mike and Kimmi are calling each other awesome and that guy is calling him a faggot and then Kimmi's calling him a faggot and then the guy's giving him a lewd gesture. This line made me feel sorry for Mike: "It's a Guy Thing," he explains, as if Kimmi's the one that dropped out society back in high school and hasn't had more than like one conversation with somebody her own age since. He throws out more Youth Culture shibboleths -- "I'm gonna kick his ass in Ultimate!" -- and promises to pick Kimmi up in her car at six. He feels guilty but at this point his guilt is what he's bringing to the table.
Cesar tells Nathalie to drive east and he'll call her in twenty; Latrice offers to bend her teeth back and she hands her a towel for her freshly bleeding ear and heads back to the other situation. "Yeah, my son's been kidnapped? I can't fight with you right now." Nancypants is unfailingly polite in this episode, it's really funny. The lady, the tiger. Mama Lion.
Ignacio rips off Doug's mouth tape and explains, over Shane's reflex lying, that they split from Ren-Mar because Shane killed an evil bruja. As usual, Shane grins proudly. Ignacio, who is and eternally will be on Shane's wavelength, giggles. "Hey! Remember that time that I brought you with me to collect from the guy with the hat? And then after I kneecapped him, you stepped on his hat?" Ignacio chuckles, nearly rocking, at the good times they've shared. "Would you really put a bullet in me?" Ignacio admits that he would, without pause. Doug asks if Shane can breathe some food breath on him. Lord, the only thing worse than a van fry would be some teenager's Hot Cheeto breath. He is in a place.
Randy bullshits the people until they ask where Shawn, you know, actually is, and right then Mike comes in from the parking lot, pissed and looking to fight. When they ask who he is, he signs, "Who the fuck are you?" Randy giggles and remembers the deaf girl back in Agrestic; Mike and the deaf lady trade insults in which he snarks on her saggy tits and then invites her to blow him. You cannot talk that way to the deaf lady from Sesame Street, it's just too weird.
Nathalie, very close to losing it completely, introduces Mike and asks if they can't just back off and let them go do something very important right now. She's sufficiently horrified by Mike that she lets them go, demanding a follow-up visit the next day, and Rebekah leaves with them, still flirting with Randy. Just as the boys are sighing in relief, Nathalie squeaks out that Cesar nabbed Shane, and they all jump in the car.
Nancy leaves a pretty sad voicemail for Esteban that begins with, "Boy, am I sorry I ignored your calls. I see now that that was really wrong." There's a bottom-line, self-aware lilt that she always brings to Esteban stuff that's really telling, like, insofar as she had to get herself out of the situation once Pilar was dead and frankly before, she doesn't dislike Esteban in any particular way.
She misses him, kinda hopes they might get back together one day when she gets caught. Her apologies are real, and then on top of that they're a joke about apologies, and then on top of that they're just a phone call, one acquaintance to another, like she's setting up a lunch date. Like he'll open the box and she won't be a traitor and she won't be a kidnapper, just his wife that loves him so much -- that it was the other woman who tore them apart. She was right beside him all the time.
As Andy plays with the switches and dials of the car, pissing her off more and more, she continues in this almost under-control tone: "Um, I'd love to talk to you about it and apologize directly. And I'd also really love to talk to you about Shane. You knew that was gonna get my attention. Boy, you were right!"