It gives me hope that one day, after becoming super famous and undergoing the massive public breakdown we all knew was coming, I too shall have another shot at the bigtime. "It was the pills that got small," I'll say, and whatever Hunter Parrish-type kid I'm paying to read aloud to me will nod, having heard it all before, and return to whatever Iron Man or Tropic Thunder sort of script my people have chosen for my return, for my debut. Perhaps I'll be a wrestler this time, Elle Fanning for my estranged daughter; or perhaps I'll co-star with Martin Lawrence in a buddy-cop piece for the ages.
"I remember when all it took in this town was a handful of bennies and Kanye West's phone number, Silas. They'd give you the fuckin' moon!" And he'll grunt Stop callin' me Silas, my name's not Silas and I'll say, "Brad Goreski dined here once, in this very house. Out by the pool. I'll point out to you the lounge chair he used. Remind me, you petulant ungrateful boy" and then probably something about how somebody touched or stole my knickknacks, and then I'll take a wee nap. And I'll dream of Linda Hamilton, back in 2010. Back on the show, things suddenly flare back up into that long-ago brilliance that used to define it. Every second is glorious after this point.
"Fiona! The seitan is burning! And save the oil! Fuels our van." (Trans. We are actual liberals, and gays, and ladies! Three things Nancy Botwin cannot handle but Nathalie Newman will try and schmooze anyway! She knows not of hubris!) Which is exactly what happens. She tries -- after a painful exchange regarding "Gaia" -- to get more than the paltry amount she's bought on consignment, offering "one sister to another" to become their biggest customer, although not strictly adhering to the "personal use" clause.
"Except you're not my sister, and we're not wholesalers," says Linda, with her crazy Holly Hunter braids, remembering how they used to do it down in the Tunnels. It was scrap and fight for everything, back in the day. No second chances, no bullshit. Just the force of your will, your lion-faced sewer mutant lover, and anything you could hold onto that they didn't just take from you. It was a hard knocks life but one she values still. That and Gaia.