Weeds

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Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
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A.K.A. The Plant

As far as Celia knows! In fact, Dean is in the process of wheeling a chair from his office, having been let go. He corrects the security guard who tries to stop him, saying that he bought the chair himself, but fortunately, in order to feel like a big man, the security guard can still demand Dean's parking pass back. As looky-loos watch, Dean calls everyone in the lobby "fucking fucker fucks!" Or something. The security guard tries to shut him up, but Dean will not be silent: "Cheap-ass corporate cocksucking cocks!" Dean bellows that he'll be filing a wrongful-termination suit, unleashing another torrent of profanity for good measure. The security guard gets in Dean's face again, so Dean turns on him, saying he knows how the guy breaks into everyone's office at night and rubs his disgusting-- Well, that's all we hear, because Dean gets tasered in the neck for his troubles. As his former colleagues take cell-phone photos, Dean collapses on the lobby couch. I would totally be taking photos too, and so would you.

At school, Shane tries to go to the bathroom, but some big bruiser keeps him from going to the urinals. As he dances back and forth, a couple of wags by the sinks talk about who's done what (handjobs are no big deal, apparently). Neither of these commentators seem willing to believe that Shane has had any sexual experience, since he can't even find someone to eat lunch with. Shane takes off in distress.

Nancy has been provided some excellent Canadian ID -- a Quebec driver's license and a SIN card (that's the Canadian equivalent of a Social Security card, y'all) in the name of Lacy LaPlante. "Why not just call me 'Mary Jane Dealer'?" complains Nancy. Conrad says that, if anything, they'll think she's a stripper. I mean, honestly. No one Nancy's age was named "Lacy" at birth. Anyway, Conrad tells her it'll be fine.

Nancy heads into the office of Southland Power And Energy, and rolls up to the totally over-it desk clerk. Nancy says that she set up her account over the phone, and came in to pay the deposit in cash. The clerk asks for her driver's license and "Social," and Nancy hands over what she has. The clerk suspiciously inspects the ID, and says she doesn't know if she can accept them. Nancy says that she just moved to town from Canada -- "eh" -- doesn't have local ID (been there -- suck it, Commerce Bank, and your unwillingness to accept our Canadian passports and the deed to our apartment as proof that we really do live here!), and needs power by the next day. The clerk bitches that Nancy can miss Oprah for one day, and Nancy improvises that her husband's on a ventilator and that his MedEvac arrives the next day. The clerk, chastened, says that she'll see what she can do, and quietly says she's sorry about Nancy's husband. Nancy chalks up his injury to hockey -- a forward from Moose Jaw checked him so hard, he broke Mr. LaPlante's sternum: "That's when they found the cancer." She says they moved to the area to be closer to a specialist. The clerk further apologizes for the crack about Oprah, and Nancy says that if the clerk gives her power, they'll call it even. The clerk smiles. Go Lacy, you effortless liar!

Out in the car, Nancy enjoys the rush, telling Conrad that Lacy is a fucking bad-ass. Eh!

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