Weeds

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Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
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A.K.A. The Plant

...and calls Peter. After flirting that he's not available on such short notice, Peter tells Nancy he could go for a steak. Nancy says that steak is boring; she wants to do something exciting. Bowling?

No -- shooting range. Nancy is a natural, as her target comes back with five shots in the chest. Peter asks if she's sure she's never done this before, and she smirks that he's a good teacher. "Eighteen years on the job," he replies. She asks whether he's ever shot anyone, and he dodges, "Eighteen years on the job." Nancy asks what's to keep anyone in the shooting range from blowing anyone else away. "Death Row?" offers Peter. Nancy accepts that, and then it's Peter's turn, but instead of seeing if he's as big a bad-ass with a pistol as Lacy LaPlante...

...we cut to a restaurant, where Yael is slamming an empty shot glass down on the table. As she and Andy wait for refills, he tells her she has very nice shoulders. Yael counters that they're tarnished, coquettishly turning her right shoulder blade toward him to show the scar from a bullet wound. Andy thinks she was in combat, but she explains, "Israeli men are very macho." They're fine if you bring another woman into bed, but another man is a problem. Andy goes a little green as he asks if her lover shot her. Yael shrugs that if he hadn't, she'd have thought he was "a faggot." Besides which, the sex was amazing that night: "The pain, and the pleasure." Andy looks like he's starting to appreciate that he and Yael aren't remotely in the same league when the next round arrives. "L'chaim!" chirps Yael. God, I love her.

Heylia's. Joseph calls! Heylia's delighted to hear from him and asks how he is. He tells her he's conflicted, since one of the hallmarks of his faith is that he must resist the temptations of beautiful women. He asks whether she's available for marriage. Heylia flirts that he moves fast, but Joseph clarifies that he's not asking; he's just checking to see if it's a possibility. Heylia's okay with that too. Just then, a crabby white lady tells Joseph that she's been waiting for two hours, and we pull back to reveal that Joseph works in the baggage office of either a train station or a particularly downmarket airline. Yeah, that would turn me misanthropic, too. I mean, more so. After cursing out the "devil bitch" under his breath, Joseph returns to his call, telling Heylia that anything more than phone calls right now would be unwise. Heylia tartly replies that she'd like to know when he'll be done being wise, because she thinks he's fine and wants to see him face to face. Joseph immediately replies that he'll be there in forty minutes. Hee.

Back at the restaurant, Andy goes in for a kiss, but Yael flinches away. Andy apologizes, saying he thought they were hitting it off. Yael says they were, but then he goes in again, and she rebuffs him again. Andy guesses that it's been too short a time for her since her lover died, but Yael says that she's been with "many men," since it "helps you get over things." Andy says that he's getting mixed messages, and Yael beams that although Andy is adorable, she's not attracted to him. She explains that she likes a man: "Someone who can grow a beard." Andy's pretty, and she could "flip him like a pancake." I think Shane could flip him like a pancake. Yael adds that Andy would ask permission before everything, instead of slamming her up against a wall and making her come like a volcano: "But we can still be friends!" Andy's blue balls bump up against the underside of the table.

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