So Adelita is a junkie, to the point where she doesn't mind her hand going numb every now and then, but balks a little when she loses control of half her body. She enlists Silas to help, so of course he immediately calls Alanis, who is in the middle of getting proposed to by Andy. So now you've got Audra and Andy in Esteban's house, and Audra's wearing Nancy's engagement ring, and finally Nancy takes great pains to be the one to notify Esteban that his kids aren't perfect after all.
Which is just one of the many scores Nancy has decided to settle. Esteban explains that Pilar is blackmailing him into being her pet gubernatorial candidate, which means that all her restrictions on Nancy -- transforming her into the perfect trophy wife, forcing her into getting a massage from the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, et cetera -- have to be obeyed. Nancy waits for the ticking clock on Pilar's life to run out while feeling once again trapped in a marriage to a man whose power level is as variable as her own.
That feeling of dread surrounding Andy and Audra goes numb as Adelita's right-hand side when they're surprised by a crossbow-wielding DON'T ABORTION guy at her apartment, and Andy predictably peaces the fuck out. This is a nice counterpoint to Nancy finally figuring out that men are weak, so weak in fact they can't even send their junkie daughters to rehab, and stepping up to the plate for like the first time in a long time.
In her new hideout -- a 10x10 unit at "Neverending Storage" -- ex-gay Celia ties Doug up after figuring out the whole Dean/Doug/Isabel plan. They banter for awhile and say "pussy" like a million times, and then decide to team up, because Celia's determined to follow Nancy's career trajectory to the letter. Mirroring the final scene of Season One, we're introduced to Scary Godmother's new team: Ignacio, his alter ego Perro Insano, the unending one-note faggotry of Sanjay, Doug and Dumber, and poor old wonderful Isabel.
In the end, Nancy's ready to take her leave at a big awesome Mexico politico party, as instructed, but Pilar takes her aside to explain that 1) It was dumb hiring Guillermo for the hit because he works for Pilar and hates Nancy, and 2) She is going to have Silas and Shane killed. All of which sounds very interesting, but not as interesting as the very next thing that happens, which is: Shane killing the shit out of Pilar with a croquet mallet to the head.
("As I stand before you today on the brink of junior high, here is what I have to say.")
Nancy's back staring at herself in the upstairs mirror when an incredibly lovely woman shows up to give her a massage: she is a gift. She tells Nancy to get undressed, and explains that she can't leave until she does her job. Nancy asks her again to leave, but the woman points out that she clearly is in need of her services. Well, you'll never go wrong telling Nancy she should take it a little easier on herself, so a short moment later -- after the woman threatens to sit on her -- she's on the bed with a mask on.
Nancy apologizes to her for being so stiff, but the woman tells her not to be sorry: just limp. She asks if the woman knows her husband's running for governor, and that he is a puppet. "You be my puppet," says the woman. "Let me pull the strings." Turns out you can want that real bad and it still doesn't work, and why? "Men are weak," Nancy says after a moment, pulling off her mask. The masseuse admits that some men are weak, and puts the mask back on, moving to her shoulders with strong hands. "Women are strong," Nancy tells her. "Until they fall apart." The woman assures her she's not going to: "You're a warrior. Like the boss, very similar. Locked up in all the same places. Armored and ready for battle." In tight muscle and Teflon.
Nancy thinks she means Esteban, their marriage of true minds, but we know better: "You'd be surprised, how much you have in common with Pilar." Nancy sits up all surprised, and freaks out. "She wanted you feeling relaxed and well. Did we do the job?" Nancy makes a very angry face and asks herself the same question, about Guillermo.
Over at a ten-by in the whimsically named Neverending Storage, Celia's making the saddest (and Celia-est) screwdrivers imaginable: Take a gorgeous fat-bellied dinner pitcher, dump in a semi-frozen package of orange juice from concentrate, toxic Sandra Lee-style, and then pour some vodka in. Swirl listlessly, drink, repeat. In a cinderblock storage locker, like some kind of post-apocalyptic Crate & Barrel Hiro Protagonist. Kind of fabulous as an idea, but appalling in real life. Just like Celia.
Doug's douchey sandals appear, and he hauls up the door, so she has to shield her eyes. He calls her a "feral bitch." She's accomplished a bit more of her Nancyward transformation, and has a lovely purple scarf in her deep brown hair. This reminds Doug of a gypsy, so he suggests that she lick his crystal balls. Twice. She finally says she wants out of the business, and is willing to part with her stash "fire sale cheap," and he's like, first of all, since when is she a drug dealer, and secondly he's broke. Celia's disheartened for a sec, then tells him to take it on credit and pay her back in a timely manner, on pain of Perro Insano breaking his legs.