Weeds

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The Prime of Miss Nat Newman

Nancy, she's observant even on a bad day like today, even at a time like right now where her immediate needs, simply defined -- Kimmi's car, money she physically beat a woman to steal -- have somehow been met, once again, so she immediately recognizes Doug in the back of Cesar's car -- duct taped mouth, hands tied -- and is like, "Fuck. What the fuck are you doing here?" He indicates not much in the way of hard data, but enough that our observant heroine notices Cesar beating up the front desk attendant for information.

Meanwhile, Silas is hanging out in the car, blissfully unaware, reclining a couple spaces away from Doug getting a facefull of Ignacio's fist, having this unbearable conversation: "I like your dreamcatcher." "It brought me you." Gone, long gone, are the days when her Kimmi's bejeweled vagina was the worst part about Kimmi. It brought my gorge.

Run to the motel room! Cesar getting closer! Bloody-nosed Nancy spares a moment to check out Andy's equipment in the shower -- which, anybody who says they don't is hiding something way worse -- before getting the 411. Cesar's like three doors away. She almost has a fight with the door. Shane is at the vending machines ("For fleeing snacks") not answering his phone ("You must be old if you're not texting, so leave a message, Mom"), Silas is in the parking lot with the dreamcatcher, Andy's in the shower and in charge of Stevie, and Nancy is running in circles, going crazy like a crazy person. She screams at Shane's voicemail to HIDE, locks Andy in the bathroom with Stevie, and then calls Silas: "Drive away. Danger."

Then Nancy paces around the room going, literally this is what happens, Danger danger danger danger danger, which is sort of brilliant and puts you in a serious position of having to feel as nervous or nervouser, watching it all go down. Nancy like grabs the crossbow and aims it at the door and opens it... Only to be wrestled to the floor by a very angry Latrice, who not only was mugged by this lady but also had her feather earring torn out in the process, to wit: "Now I can't wear earrings. When you ain't got no hair, that's your flair!"

Latrice's helpful friend Quenton points out that "bitch have ear flaps now," and but before Nancy can even get up off the floor -- having shot a bolt into the bathroom door -- they start knocking on the door, louder and louder. Who is they? Oh, the Sheriff's Department.

Quenton runs off into the adjoining suite, because he has warrants, and Latrice -- still in costume -- pretends to angrily clean the motel room, and Nancy puts the crossbow in the Yippity! Dragon, hidden by a blanket. The deputy is joined by Rebekah of the Mommies, a deaf CPS lady, and her interpreter. Nancy's cracked-out look and nosebleed continue contributing to the awesomeness. Rebekah is still bitching about getting sperm from Randy, who walks out into the room naked and holding Stevie, giggling: "He peed on my pee! We crossed streams!" CPS clearly realizes she has not in fact seen it all, before today. Andy cups himself and acknowledges the weirdness, and there is much staring. Nobody knows what to do in this situation because there has never been this situation.

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