Weeds

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Cooking With Jesus

As your standard-issue reggae band plays on a stage, we get a montage of weed magazines, weed samples, weed paraphernalia, etc. Nancy quickly loses track of Andy and Doug. Then it's a series of quick cuts of Nancy consulting with seed merchants, and Doug and Andy recommending which to buy based on their sampling. Eventually, Doug is in a tie-dyed shirt asking Nancy when CPR becomes necrophilia, and Andy is playing with Nancy's hair and saying he's glad her last name isn't "Drew" because then she'd be Nancy Drew, and then Doug has jumped on stage to do the robot with the band, and the party's over.

Elsewhere, Conrad makes a sales pitch for his strain to Keeyon, who agrees that it's "some beautiful shit." He says how proud he is of Conrad, and Conrad's like, "So we're in business?" and Keeyon's like, "Not until you settle things with Heylia, because I am not crossing her." Conrad is disappointed.

Nancy finds Andy on the floor of ladies' bathroom at the Mohasky Cup, writing his essay on a roll of paper towels. As Doug and Andy report that they agreed on which strain Nancy should buy, Andy crows about how brilliant his essay is...

...and then, oh my God, we see that he has actually given his baked essay to Yael. Andy! She notes that the roll format makes it reminiscent of a Torah, and says that she found the essay very moving and thoughtful: "Maybe you should never speak." Is she letting him in? Provisionally. Andy rejoices.

Andy comes home to give Silas the good news, and finds him still depressed. Silas tells Andy about Megan's acceptance to Princeton, and Andy is genuinely pleased for her. Silas is like, "It's in New Jersey?," but Andy is unfazed, advising Silas to get a van and go to New Jersey, then. He says that he spent four years at Harvard, sitting in on classes, fucking smart chicks. It cost him nothing: "I graduated magna come loudly." Silas considers this: "Does it have to be a van?" "It has to be a van," Andy confirms.

Celia's photo shoot. As the neighbour's yappy dog freaks out next door, Isabelle comes around the corner, dressed up like a wee little biker. Celia demands to know who she is, "Willie Nelson?" Ha! She asks where Isabelle's dress is, and Isabelle points out that she's still wearing red (which she is, not that I think Celia will appreciate the effort when it's just a bandanna). Celia crabs that she's not running a campaign with a photo in which she looks like the poster mother for P-FLAG. Isabelle reminds her that Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter, and Celia rejoins that she's not in any of the photos either: "That's politics." She orders Isabelle to go get changed, but Isabelle refuses, saying that the photo is a lie. Celia dismisses her and tells the photographer it'll just be her, stomping into position...whereupon she steps right in one of the yappy neighbour's dog's yappy little turds.

Back at home, Nancy lovingly tends to her plant in the master bath. As she heads upstairs with a load of fertilizer and other things that really have no place in the average lavatory, Silas pouts through, announcing his intention to drop out of school next year and move to New Jersey. As you do.

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